How To Move On...?

beldandy

cikKym replied at 2-3-2016 10:33 AM
betul....  apa yg awak buat tu justifikasi. nak pujuk diri sendiri ye la kita x lebih2.. psikologi ...

ye..iols pun setuju
dia jd jahat biaq pi dia sorang jahat...jgn kita konon2 ooo aku pun boleh buat
no....itu sebenarny kita rosakkan masa depan sendiri...

b_n_c

beldandy replied at 2-3-2016 10:32 AM
by all means...sila buang tilam tu
tp u ckp la elok2 kat dia
ckp, anak dah 3 thn pun

klau ckp psl "kalau saya xde nanti cmna"
tu pun dia marah, dia tnya "xde nak pegi maner"
jgn nak merepek sgt lah...

menyampah btl la..
smlm dia balik lambat, balik tgk tilam dh kt ruang tamu n sy dh tdur..

pg td dia tnya knp tilam kt luar, sy kata ank nk tdur luar, tgk tv.
lgpn awak bkn nk tdur dlm bilik, kesian anak tidur merata ikut awak, biar dia selesa sikit..
pastu dia diam je..
sy pn bt xtau...

g kerja td tilam ada je kt ruang tamu, sy nk biar je tgk dia nk buat apa..
kalau dia decide nak tidur luar n selesa begitu, biar la..

skrg hati sy dalam fasa "ko nak buat apa pun lantak lah, ada aku kesah.."

beldandy

b_n_c replied at 2-3-2016 10:42 AM
wklsm....

mak sy pun pesan gitu kt sy..

beli je katil tu...
pastu mlm2 u susun anak sulung tepi kanan sekali, pastu letak adik dia...pastu u pastu hb u
pastu ckp dgn hb...tolong jgn ketepikn usaha u untuk tenangkn hati u...this is one of it
dia punya angkara...ptt dia yg usaha kaw2 giler vavi nk pulihkn keadaan
bangunan kalau runtuh ingat boleh terus bina in one month ke?
iskkhhhh...gua emo lak pagi ni

b_n_c

cikKym replied at 2-3-2016 10:33 AM
betul....  apa yg awak buat tu justifikasi. nak pujuk diri sendiri ye la kita x lebih2.. psikologi ...

tenkiu awak...

awak ckp psl pewangi, baru 'light bulb' kt depan mata...
nak wangikan bilik la balik ni...

cikKym

b_n_c replied at 2-3-2016 10:52 AM
tenkiu awak...

awak ckp psl pewangi, baru 'light bulb' kt depan mata...

All the best awak.. happy kan diri dulu sblom happykan org lain.. awak happy anak2 tentu happy ada mak yg ceria. Tu pegangan saya hihiih

b_n_c

beldandy replied at 2-3-2016 10:51 AM
beli je katil tu...
pastu mlm2 u susun anak sulung tepi kanan sekali, pastu letak adik dia...past ...

hermmm....
bagus susunan u ni...

tp kalu dah bapaknya tdo lambat tgk tv, ank sulung tu lambat jgk masuk tidur, last2 mesti tidur dgn bapaknya jgk...

xper i akan guna ayat u tu...tima ksh sgt2...

skrg hati i x begitu tenang lg sb i mtk nk beli katil tu hr khamis lps...
dia ckp x yah...
i tkut i meletup lg...

tgu i cool dlu baru i decide nak beli ke x, atau nak tgk sebulan dua dlu dia usaha nak tdo ngn i ke x...
tgk la dlu cmna...

tp komen2 kt cni smua blh pakai n buat panduan dan pertimbangan untuk i buat satu kesimpulan besar....

i appreciate it soooooooooooooooooo much...

thanks uollsss...

Symbiosis3

Bangsa lain dah melangkaui tapak maju kehadapan sehingga menemukan  kehidupan di bulan......bangsa kita aja masih dok pikir cara nak asingkan tempat tido anak....

A thousand miles journey begins with the very first step......kata bangsa ku,,,,

b_n_c

Symbiosis3 replied at 2-3-2016 01:27 PM
Bangsa lain dah melangkaui tapak maju kehadapan sehingga menemukan  kehidupan di bulan......bangsa k ...

semoga awak dapat pergi hidup di bulan dengan jayanya sebelum hari sempat kiamat....

Symbiosis3

b_n_c replied at 2-3-2016 02:22 PM
semoga awak dapat pergi hidup di bulan dengan jayanya sebelum hari sempat kiamat....

I can see your level of comprehension.......and computation....

Too bad...so sad...

b_n_c

Symbiosis3 replied at 2-3-2016 02:24 PM
I can see your level of comprehension.......and computation....

Too bad...so sad...

so..????

blackmore

b_n_c replied at 2-3-2016 02:37 PM
so..????

...so...aku confius kejap...

...confius ngan what u actually want??...

...u are asking on how to move on...let me ask u back...u want to move on as in move on together with your husband and as one married couple...or u want to move on as a single mom??...yang mana satu yang ko nak??...

...dari citer ko...aku dapat rasakan yang ko nak move on together ngan your husband...as a married couple...but...daripada tindak tanduk ko yang ko citer kat sini...it looks like u are more keen to move on in the direction of being a single parent...

...yes...aku faham ko tengah marah...marah sangat2 kerana kepercayaan yang ko berikan pada suami telah dihancurkan...marah kerana cinta dan kasih sayang ko yang unggul pada dia disia2kan...marah kerana dia gagal menghadapi hasutan syaitan bila digoda sedangkan ko mampu melawan godaan syaitan...(u mentioned ramai gak lelaki nak ngorat ko tapi ko tak layan cos u know u are married)...but your husband on the other hand saja2 nak try jarum...but in the end...dia sendiri yang terjebak ngan perbuatan sendiri...

...ginilah sis...

...kata omputeh...to eer is human...to forgive divine...we are human afterall...tak lepas daripada membuat kesilapan dan kesalahan...kesilapan yang kita lakukan bukan saja memakan diri kita...tapi...ianya juga turut memakan diri orang2 yang menyayangi dan yang very2 close ngan kita...and this is what has happened to u two...your hubby made a mistake and u are feeling the brunt of those transgressions...

...dealing with betrayal of trust and love in a relationship is never easy...but...if u still want to live with your husband...if u still want to keep your marriage and family intact...then u have to start by forgiving your husband...u have to learn to accept his mistakes and forgive his wrong doings...

...forgiving your hubby and giving him another opportunity to change is simply magnanimous...cos to me...the abiltiy to forgive is the highest form of human behaviour yang dapat kita lakukan to another human being...

...however...when u forgive him...ianya tak bermakna u are able to forget what he has done...to forgive is not easy...to forget lagik lah susah...why is this so??...cos u are still going thru the grieving process...and like any other grieving process...there is no known date of completion...u have just got to go with the flow of your emotions and feelings...u will not be able to forget what he has done to u cos what he has done has hurt u so much...the agony and angst that u are feeling make it very difficult for u to get that traumatic incident out of your mainframe...this is not surprising at all...cos such traumatic event dont just go away in a day or two...depending on how well u are able to deal with it and the support u are getting...it could take anywhere between few months to even few years...

...but...u have made one good step on how to cope with your grief and anger...which is...u shared your story with the forumers here...this is good...cos telling your story and sharing what u are feeling can certainly help to make your grief less painful...ventilating your feelings and anger can certainly help to reduce those heart aches and pain...the support u get from the forumers here can actually help to take away some of the pain u are feeling...

...but...for u to move on...u will need the support from your hubby...walaupon sukar tuk ko terima kenyataan ini...support from your hubby is very crucial at this stage...tho he will inadvertently remind of u those painful memories...his being there for u and showing his care and concern and love during this painful period in your life can perhaps make u believe that u have made the rite decision to forgive him...

...dont let your mind remaind idle and wander...this will only make u think of the things that your hubby had done...keep your mind and time occupied by doing things that u like together with your hubby and kids...people say time will heal all wounds...dan aku percaya your wound will heal too...slowly...yet surely...insyaallah...

...he asked u to forgive him and he promised to change...and i believe u have forgiven him kan...cos your sex life still on...

....however...from your postings...ko admitted yang ko rasa dah malas nak layan dia...tak kisah tentang dia dan sebagainya...perangai ko pon kejap ok...kejap tak ok...dan bila dia tanya kenapa ko behave begitu...ko jawap plak the answer is with him...ko tak rasa ke yang your erratic behaviour nie makin memisahkan korang berdua??......and actually...the answer is with u...not him...cos rite now...u are making all the shots...and he just played along with u..

...so sis...try to forgive from your heart...and not from your mind...kalau ko setuju tuk maafkan dia...dan berikan dia satu lagik peluang but u still behave in a manner that doesnt reflect what u have said. ..then itu semua cakap kosong saja kan??...u are lying to him and worst to yourself too...ko kenalah berusaha tuk lawan that stubborn resentful feelings inside u...ko kena cuba suppress that feelig daripada memuncak dan jangan sampai ianya meledak...instead...fill your heart with love and compassion towards him...insyaallah then...u will be able to truly forgive him...

...u need to have a heart to heart talk with him...let him know how bad u are affected by his mistakes...and what u expect from him bila ko memaafkan kesalahan dia...tanya jugak kat dia tentang kekurangan diri ko jika ada tuk ko perbaikinya agar rumahtangga korang akan lebih mantap...and do let him know also yang what will happen kalau dia repeat his mistake lagik...

...tidur berasingan pada pendapat aku is not a good thing at all...anak2 jangan dijadikan alasan tuk memisahkan korang berdua...train your children to sleep in their own room...suami isteri mesti selalu tidur bersama...tanpa ada anak2 dicelah2 mereka...this is a very common mistake yang isteri2 buat...setelah mendapat anak...suami diabaikan...suami dibiarkan tidur berasingan atau kalau sama katil...anak2 pasti ada di tengah2...seriously...u women need to change this mindset and attitude yang anak2 itu lebih penting daripada suami...your husband is always number one...i noe...hard to accept...but thats the reality of it lerr...

...i dont know...but may be...cos dia dah dibiarkan tidur berasingan...tu yang mendorong dia tuk test his market value...
...this...ko kenalah tanya kat diri dia sendiri...reason yang mendorong dia buat begitu...cos my personal view in relationship fark up is that both parties are partly responsible...and not totally salah satu pihak saja...

...kalau ko senantiasa have the thot yang bersalah itu hanyalah suami ko saja dan in your mind u keep on painting the picture of yourself being the victim...then sampai bila2 pon ko takkan dapat memaafkan dia...and if u stay attach to your victim point of view and blame everything else on him...chances are...u will only bring more anger and resentment in your relationship...

...so...kalau ko benar2 sayangkan dia...cintakan dia dan percaya yang dia takkan sia2kan peluang yang ko berikan dia nie...then...embrace him...help him to stay in the right path...jangan pandang belakang lagik...segala apa yang berlaku di masa lalu tinggalkan lah ianya saja...tak guna ko cakap kat dia berulang kali ko dah maafkan dia...ko sayangkan dia...ko cintakan dia...tapi u keep on pushing him to his limits with your erratic mood swings...putting pressure on your relationship which eventually will collapse jugak...

...communicate ngan dia...always always maintain communication...jangan sekali2 mintak duduk berasingan dan mintak dibiarkan selama setahun or so konon2 tuk pulihkan hati ko...u have to remember sis...your hubby pon is in his own grieving process...and that is why korang berdua kenalah support each other...agar sama2 pulih with time...

...and to answer your question how to move on....jawapan aku...to move on is not the issue here...cos moving on is not difficult...it is the letting go yang susah...cos to let off someone who has hurt u so bad is god damn difficult...

...*Chaak!*..

beldandy

Couldn't agree more with blackmore..
she knows how to put words in the right direction hihihi

b_n_c

blackmore replied at 2-3-2016 05:35 PM
...so...aku confius kejap...

...confius ngan what u actually want??...

wowwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!...

impressssiveee!

trima kasih sudi komen panjang2 utk aku hadam semuanya krn apa ko post sgt informative...

sbnrnya, start dr kejadian tu, aku ckp aku dh maafkn,konon cuba utk ok, tp x boleh...

sb tu aku cuba luahkan kt cni, ya mmg sedikit sbnyak it helps...

apa yg ko ckp semua btl, tp bab tido skali tu dia yg jauhkan diri not me, aku sntiasa cuba tp dia yg mengelak...
sex life hnya a week after the incident, now not anymore sb gaduh 24/7...

sperti aku citer td, baru 2hr aku cuba utk lawan my stubborn feeling as u said, n let go all those thing from my heart sb sblm ni aku xnk let go, aku nk simpan rasa sakit tu, ya, aku degil...
sb aku takut kalu aku terima n nnti dia bt lg mcmna? mesti la aku rs mcm org bodoh giler babi kan...
that is 1 of the reason, aku tkut dia bt lg...

so baru smlm n hr ni kitaorg x gaduh sb aku lawan perasaan degil tu,
sebetulnya, bru skrg aku cuba utk letting go...

ni baru btl2 proses utk aku maafkn dia from the bottom of my heart..

sblm ni bak kata ko,ya aku just maafkn d mulut, ckp ksong je sb dia paksa aku...
skrg baru real...

skrg aku btl2 perlukan ms utk aku bersihkan minda aku dr cebisan2 sakit tu, aku cuma perlukan sedikit masa dan support dr dia..

"tapi u keep on pushing him to his limits with your erratic mood swings.."
sgt betul...
tp perasaan degil to buatkan aku kental xnk mngalah, lantak p apa nk jd pn...

so skrg aku akan cuba lawan perasaan tu..

klu sblm ni apa dia bt smua akan aku jdkan issue utk relate ngn kes tu, from now on aku akn turn the thought to be positive,jgn pk bukan2...

tp klu aku nk meroyan kat cni sekali sekala xper kan cik blackmore yg bijak..kan kan kan...??

b_n_c

blackmore replied at 2-3-2016 05:35 PM
...so...aku confius kejap...

...confius ngan what u actually want??...

tp laki aku x romantik, cmna?

waktu time nak memujuk hr tu ada la ckit tnjuk romantik tu, tp lps dia tgk aku mcm ok dh ckit, trus dia kejung balik mcm biasa..

mana la aku x keras..
baru aku nk cair, dia bt mcm biasa..

judicata

blackmore replied at 2-3-2016 05:35 PM
...so...aku confius kejap...

...confius ngan what u actually want??...

bravo on the advice. boleh dijadikan panduan kepada mana2 yg silent reader jua...

betul tu. it's hard to forgive and even harder to forget. especially after the person you trusted the most, betrayed you. tapi mmg takes time la kan for everything to be back to normal... or almost normal. sometimes it made me wonder, susah nya jadi wanita ni. kita kena banyak beralah even though is the man yg buat mistake. but, i digress... mesti ada juga kekurangan on both parties yang menyebabkan benda macam ni terjadi. if both decides to be with each other, than both need to work their butt off to move forward together la. dua-dua kena kurangkan ego, saling membantu untuk move on. kalau salah satu pihak ja, mmg cannot go la kan... not going anywhere.

tapi betul kata forumer sorg tu... suami adalah pinjaman Allah swt sahaja di dunia. maybe this is a lesson for every women out there, don't put your husband on a pedestal... because human can disappoint you but Allah swt never will. we, wives... should do our part as wife well, keep each other happy and just pray that Allah swt blessed us & our marriage till hereafter.

beldandy

b_n_c replied at 2-3-2016 09:26 PM
tp laki aku x romantik, cmna?

waktu time nak memujuk hr tu ada la ckit tnjuk romantik tu, tp lp ...

tu u kena byk berborak dgn hb
luahkn je apa u rasa n apa harapan u
u boleh je minta dia tolong support u...
dia kena faham, nak maafkn..nak let go...nk bg peluang bukan mudah kalau xde support
bel sendiri pun rasanya tak terbuat if not sbb hb yg byk support me
hb pun takde la romantik sgt dia cuba buat mcm masa kami sedang bercinta dulu
kami cipta rutin2 baru...yg kami berdua sgt enjoy

korakora

b_n_c replied at 2-3-2016 09:26 PM
tp laki aku x romantik, cmna?

waktu time nak memujuk hr tu ada la ckit tnjuk romantik tu, tp lp ...

Ala xpe kalau hubby u x romantik. U jelah romantik2 ngn die. Ye faham mmg rasa die buat slh knp kite plak yg usaha mcm2. Laki n ego xleh dipisahkan kot.. Ade org ckp jgn merajuk lama2 nt hubby meluat or rasa diri die xleh dimaafkan. Takut die plak surrender, ape nak jadi jadi lah katenye..
Psl tido asing tu pon i mcm forumers lain, better jgn. If anak dh tdo, u p la tdo ngn hubby peluk die.. U syg die lagi kan. Cube lupekan kejap ape yg die buat tu. Ala, just pk u peluk2 die tu kan dpt pahala.. Buat step by step. Bagi dia ingat balik keperluan husband n wife mcmn. Bagi dia ingat zaman baru kawen dl.. Sbb I dl pon mcm tu. Anak dua org tdo tgh, hubby hujung i hujung lain. Kitorg katil king. Tp skrg kitorg ltk yg sulong tdo bilik lain. I tdo sblh hubby.
Kalau rasa nak hangin tu, pk tu setan2 tgh api2 kan u. Hati suami ni Allah yg pegang... U kena pegang tu.. Baru kuat u nak usaha.
Kita diberi ujian untuk kite ingat n periksa ape slh kite. N diberi peluang utk perbaiki. I ni jenis hangin, sll badmood. Now mmg dh jrg sgt. Kalau start nak hangin tu pon beringat, xmcm dl lah.
Yang i perasan, laki mmg ego. Tp kalau kita pandai, die boleh buang ego tu. Tp kalau kite lwan jugak, lagi tgi ego dia...

korakora

Cuba kita buat ceklist nak. Ape yg suami nak drp isteri?

Kite cukup senyum x pada suami? Ke bila penat kite masam mencuka je? Cukup berhias utk suami? Ke kite berhias bila keluar je. Lepas hubby mndi semua tu kite prepare x baju utk suami. Baju kerja ke baju tdo ke? Kite prepare x meal utk suami mkn, ke kite xlarat mkn kat luar pon, kite cedukkan lauk x utk suami? Ke kite layan anak2 je, ceduk or suap anak2 je. Benda dalam kain tu xyah diajar semua org tau yg sex tu mknn suami isteri. Pandai2 la kan tawan hati die.
Kadang benda2 kecik ni la yg buat hubby syg teringat2... I byk buat benda2 kecik cmtu skrg.
Layan hubby mcm raja, pulangannya dia layan kita macam permaisuri...

korakora

I nasihat mcm hebat. Tp tgh berperang dgn perasaan gak ni. semoga dikuatkan hati kita antara pasangan kita masing2.

Symbiosis3

korakora replied at 3-3-2016 09:33 AM
I nasihat mcm hebat. Tp tgh berperang dgn perasaan gak ni. semoga dikuatkan hati kita antara pasanga ...

Syarikat nick kudajantan kita ada beri khidmat pelanggan yang sedang berperang denga perasaan......cuba lah......