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On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just
inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts
and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he
thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to
investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you,
one for me." He just knew what it was.
"Oh my," he shuddered, "it's Satan and the Lord dividing the souls at the
cemetery." He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come
here quick," said the boy. "You won't believe what I heard! Satan and the
Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."
When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by
the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for
me.........."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling' the truth. Let's see if we
can see the Lord himself."
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to
see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the
fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me." And one last "One for you,
one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll
be done."
............ They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes
ahead of the boy on the bike!!!
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Reply #11 witara's post
...  gelak dgr ko nie witara.. |
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Reply #42 yixin's post
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Serius sampai tua tak bhaiikkk thouuuu..... |
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Reply #43 witara's post
..cesss.... ko nie kang tak tido malam br tau. |
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melodyzz This user has been deleted
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Hehe, sy suka crita lawak rohani. Tak rohani pun suka hehe. Ni ada satu cerita, tapi sebelum tu sory kalau2 crita ni sensitif,anyway crita ni utk hiburan, bleh juga sbg teladan. Mcm ni critanya:
pada satu pagi ahad,seorang pendeta telah bersiap2 berpakaian dengan kemas utk ke gereja,tetapi time dia mau jln tu hujan kuat pun turuo,tunggu punya tunggu, hujan tak mau berenti,air dah naik 'banjir' lah sikit2,tiba2 ada seorang Haji lalu depan rumah pendeta, setelah berbual Haji tu dengan baik hati menawarkan pertolongan utk mendukung pendeta tu menyeberang banjir tu. Semasa Haji tu mendukung pendeta tu, pendeta tu kononya bergura, dia kata 'pernah tak dengar pendeta naik haji?' hehe. Yang Haji ni pula terasa marah, dia tanya balik 'pernahkah dengar Haji membabtis pendeta?' hehe, korang teka lah apa dia buat pas tu. Hahaha. |
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melodyzz This user has been deleted
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Saya ada banyak crita lawak rohani, nanti sy share lain kali. Ok shallom and GBU.
P/s: shalom, ko sarawakian? Sy ada nampak ko post d ex ukm punya board, perna tnggal d kajang? |
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Reply #46 melodyzz's post
ei mel, cakap ngan sapa ni? ramai jugak orang kat sini ni...  |
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melodyzz This user has been deleted
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C shalom tu sarawakian ka? Saja mo tau, sy nampak post dia d ex ukm, sy pun ex ukm jg. Hi witara, jangan kecik hati. Share lah cita lawak |
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Just a little Christian Humor -- too good not to pass along...
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.
They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets.
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said, "JESUS SAVES". |
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Originally posted by melodyzz at 4-9-2007 06:09 PM 
C shalom tu sarawakian ka? Saja mo tau, sy nampak post dia d ex ukm, sy pun ex ukm jg. Hi witara, jangan kecik hati. Share lah cita lawak
Ko ngorat la si shalom nu |
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Reply #52 casejulia's post
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Shalom |
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nak quote sikit cerita drp buku yg baru saya baca A walking Miracle - Art Sandborn.
early morning, a thai village chief knocked at our door. Ellen invited the man an escorted him to the dining room, where i was thumbing through out financial account. I immedietly reconized him from the year before, when we spend some time ninistering in his village near the Burmese border. Heading his culture's rules of prioriety (what i like to call: the Culture Game) our conversation is something like this;
Chief: how is the health of you grandparents?
Art: i only have one living grandparents, my father's mother. she is currently in good health, even though, at 92 years old, she is very frail. How are ur grandparents?
Chief: All 4 of my honorable grandparents have gone from the land of the living. How is the health of ur father and mother?
Art: Im truly sorry to hear of the deaths of all of ur grandparents. my mather and father are living in America. and they communicate with us regularly. in their last correspendence, they are both in good health. I hope ur parents also are good in health?
Chief: It is good to hear that your parents are both well. My father has joined our ancestors in the after-life. My mother lives with me n her health is failing. ur wife appears to be doing well. Is she?
Art: oh yes . he is tired right now, but she is enjoying good health. how is ur wife going?
chief: My wife is well Thank you. How is ur children?
Art: all 3 of my childern are healthy, growing and enjoying life. How about ur children?
Chief: my 3 boys and 2 girls are veary healthy, thak you. I understand you have a horse. How is his health?
Art: we are no longer have a horse (i struggled to restrain my western-grown imaptience to get to the point of his visit) we return him back to the original owener cos he had proved to be troublesome...... How are ur pigs?
Chief: oh my pigs are doing very well. How is ur dog?
Art: our dog drives me crazy. i wish i had his energy. Im thankful though, that he has been good companion for our eldest son. How is ur chicken?
Chief: My chicken are well, thank you. they are daily producing fat eggs to my family. How are ur ducks going?
Art: 1 duck continue getting bigger and bigger, but the other ducks require alot of attention. my children are very happy to attend them though.
(after about 2 hours conversing like this, we at last reached the moment i had been waiting for)
Art: chief, it must have taken you several hours to travel here from ur village. is there someting u wanted to share with me?
Chief: we are under attack from powerful spirit.
Art: what kinda attack?
Chief: these evil spirit made our ppl sick wif fever. Already 14 have died, and many more are sick. could u please come to our village and drive out the evil spirits?
(I could not believe what i was hearing. Ppl were dying and here we were spending time hours talking about the healh of pig, ducks and chicken. i had to remind myslelf that their cultural rules were not only valid but important) |
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Ada lagi cerita drp A Walking Miracle-Art Sandborn
How to win fiends & influence Witch Doctor
The next morning, as i was whistling carelessly along the winding, dusty village thoroughfare, I passed the Maw Phee's temple. There he was, all decked out in hi s pristly robes, banging his gongs, and ringgings his bells, jumping and leaping through the thick for of the incense tat whafted out into the street. Outside the temple wall i notice a glory sight. Rosster with its feet tied by a rope, was dangling about 10 inches of the ground, helpleslly flapping his wings. Another rooster viciously pecked away at the helpless rooster. both birds were covered with blood.
Knowing the blood ad the torment were ingredients for the Maw Phee's ritual, i walked into the temple ground, took out my pocket knife with my right hand and cut free the totured bird. As my knife cut the rope, i heard the sound of a vast, syncronized gasp behind me. I turned arround, to my suprise, saw the quite a number of the villagers had gathered around. they were clearly terrified on my behalf. Tis made me terrified for me too. I followed their collective gaze toward the temple enterance n saw the enraged face of the Maw Phee, his inflamed, piercing eyes fixed on me, the impudent intruder who had dared to defy him. breathing heavily, he began runnig toward me, his fists tightened as is ready for a fight, and his eyes steadfastly locked on his prey. his mouth moving slightly as if muttering a curse under his breath.
My heart began punding madly at the wall of my chest, desperate to break free. I did not need a harvard Medical Degree in Psychiatry to discern his intentions. i had to get of there and fast. But then i remember what i said to the villages just the day before, that Jesus more powerful that this Maw Phee's evil spirits, and that if they gave their lives to Jesus, they need not be fearful of the Maw Phee. How could i retrain any integrity if i nnow gave into the fear that gripped me? I stood my ground, even though i did not have a clue of what to say or do.
I whispered a prayer, "Oh, God, help. What am i gonna do Lord? Lord your promised that you would give us the right words to speak by Your Spirit when we are brough before gevenors and kings. How about angry witch doctors?"
Just as the priest approched, I suddenly knew what to do. I went on the offence. with all the breath that i could muster, I yelled in his face, "pra Yesu rock khun." which means "Jesus loves you"
The Maw Phee stopped dead in his tracks, stunned, he stared at me for a moment, then lowered his head in defeat, turned around and scurried back to his temple. Clearly frustrated he immediately resumed his sweatin to the banshee workout, gongs, bells and all.
The Bible says that demons believe in God is who He say He is and shudder in fear of Him, though they have refused to submit to Him (james 2:19)
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Nah baca ini bagi yang belum terbaca:
A man was talking to God and he asks God,
"God, since you made everything, what is money to you?" God answered,
"Well, one million Ringgit Malaysia to you would be one cent to me."
The man thinks and asks, "God, since you have been around forever, what is time to you?"
God replies, "Well my son, one second to me would be one million years to you." The man thinks some more and asks, "God, can I have a cent ?"
God replies, "In a second." |
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While walking down the street one day a
Malaysian Boleh Minister is tragically
hit by a truck and dies. His soul
arrives in heaven and is met by St.
Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter.
"Before you settle in, it seems there is
a problem. We seldom see a high official
around these parts, you see, so we're
not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders
from higher up. What we'll do is have
you spend one day in hell and one in
heaven. Then you can choose where to
spend eternity."
"Really, I have made up my mind. I want
to be in heaven," says the Yang Berhormat
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules," says
St. Peter. And with that, St. Peter
escorts him to the elevator and he goes
down, down, down to hell. The doors open
and he finds himself in the middle of a
green golf course. In the distance is a
clubhouse and standing in front of it
are all his friends and other
politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and dressed in
the finest batik there is. They run to
greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce
about the good times they had while
getting rich at the expense of the
people. They play a friendly game of
golf and then indulge themselves on
lobsters, caviar and the most expensive
food there is. Also present is the
devil, who really is a very friendly guy
who has a good time dancing and telling
jokes. They are having such a good time
that before he realizes it, it is time
to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and
waves while the elevator rises. The
elevator goes up, up, up and the door
reopens on heaven where St. Peter is
waiting for him. "Now it' s time to
visit heaven." So, 24 hours pass with
the Yang Berhormat joining a group of
contented souls moving from cloud to
cloud, playing the harp and singing.
They have a good time and, before he
realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by
and St.Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell
and another in heaven. Now choose your
eternity."
The Yang Berhormat reflects for a
minute, then he answers: "Well, I would
never have said it before, I mean heaven
has been delightful, but I think Ai yam
better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator
and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and
he's in the middle of a barren land
covered with waste and garbage. He sees
all his friends, dressed in rags,
picking up the trash and putting it in
black bags as more trash falls from
above. The devil comes over to him and
puts his arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the Yang
Berhormat. "Yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and clubhouse,
and we ate lobster and caviar, drank
champagne, and danced and had a great
time. Now there's just a wasteland full
of garbage and my friends look
miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says,
"Yesterday we were campaigning."
"Today you voted."
VOTE WISELY. CHOOSE HEAVEN OR HELL IN
THE COMING ELECTIONS. |
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[/quote]
I thought you have already sold me the ticket to heaven?
The devil looks at him, smiles and says,
"Yesterday we were campaigning."
"Today you voted."
VOTE WISELY. CHOOSE HEAVEN OR HELL IN
THE COMING ELECTIONS.
Choose the People's Power or The gods of Money. |
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Originally posted by shalom at 2-3-2007 12:56 PM 
Teringat kisah Doa Bapa Kami (Our Father)....
sambung la lawak tu.... coz aku org swk... mesti paham punya..... bah... sambung....:victory::victory::victory: |
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Author
Post time 26-7-2007 07:50 PM
