Camner nak discuss ngan hb tentang sikap ibu & adik beradik dia ???

dreamy_forest · Post time 13-4-2007 05:13 PM

apa pun sleeping drimy.... penah kene nagn teruk sekali penangan sebelah family in laws smpai ada satu tahap hubby balik kg sorang2....

tp drimy tak lawan or balas ckp dia org....mula2 hubby sebelah family dia arr...tp dah lama2 nengok bini dia nangis sengsorang time lepas smyg smbil tadah tangan minta doa.....hati dia cair n mula side bini dia....kuasa TUHAN my MIL pun sayang banget kat gua.....tak rugi berdoa banyak nih...ALLAH maha pendegar doa hambanya yg Terianaya....

mielliza · Post time 13-4-2007 05:36 PM

weh ko ni dreamy, still dalam tajuk tu.. x lari mana tu... berlari2 anak jek...

ok back to topik,
aku ni menantu bungsu.. tp x lama pun dapat bermanja ngan MIL.. tgh aku pregnant 1st baby dia meninggal.. tapi base on cerita SIL tu, dia cakap dulu2 MIL aku ni pun suka masuk campur hal anak2... mungkin apa yg dia tengok dia x kenan so dia tegur terus la.. ye lah, adat manusia.. mood x selalu ok.. my BIL & my SIL bercerai berai gak lah.. pasal apa tu aku x sure sesangat.. maybe one off the reason tu ego kot.. but then anak2 yg lain advice & slow talk to MIL suh jgn libatkan diri ngan masalah anak2 lagi.. x nak MIL susah hati or whatever... but it take time.. my SIL kawin 3 kali cerai 2 kali.. tu aku cakap kat mak aku, jgn la buat kat anak menantu dia macam tu.. aku pun mintak aku x jadi macam tu satu hari nanti... jangan la aku sibuk nak control hidup anak2 bujang aku tu...

ko pujuk lagi hubby ko tu sis.. more humble lagi... ko puji gak la mak dia... kembangkan balik hati dia yg tengah nak mengecut tu...

Blues_guy · Post time 13-4-2007 06:22 PM

Originally posted by sleepingbeauty at 13-4-2007 12:13
hai bro .. nak tanya sikit ... napa ekk ... mostly the husband ni x blh accept if we the wife 'tegur' sikit pasal their mother (tegur pun utk kebaikan bukan nak kondem) ... please comment ...

Hai sleep,

Since you have asked for my comment, I'll oblige.

The short answer to your question is the standard `Lelaki kan EGO!'. So, mana leh terima kalau ada org kata yg mak dia ada silap...

But I don't think that is necessarily the right answer. As noted by other forumners, to a married man his mother comes first... his wife comes second (or if unlucky, third or fourth etc.....). In eastern cultures, men are brought up to behave with utmost respect, devotion and care towards their parents. This behavior include putting the needs of parents over self, spouse and children. In extreme situations, it involves deferring to the parents judgments, whatever the consequences. It is called filial piety.

When faced with a choice between mother and wife, the answer is obvious... men can become irrational in such situations.

Why do men do this? The answers are many.... and understandable. I don't think I have to list them here..

But does this mean that the wife cannot `tegur' about the MIL's behaviour? Of course not. Nobody is an angel. Not the mother-in-law and definitely not the husband.

In situations where you want to discuss with your husband about the negative aspects of his mother, you have to be very careful on two points, namely :

1. content (what you say..)
2. approach (the way you say it...)

The above points, I takleh ajar la sleep.... you kena usaha cari sendiri...

Perhaps, the one word that I can venture for the second point is `tact'. Setakat ini dulu pandangan saya. Stay cool... :cool:

MamaIlya · Post time 13-4-2007 09:46 PM

Entah ler tuan tanah... saya nak advise lelebih pun, saya x pernah kena mcm u kena... but pasal perangai MIL tu, adalah a few... but itu la...kadang2 cara kita bercakap and approach kita pun memainkan peranan juga dalam menentukan suami terima or not our 'suggestion' (rather than complain...which can be very insulting to the hubby).

aryssaharris · Post time 13-4-2007 11:12 PM

yg tak faham tu kenapa pula ur MIL nak duduk rumah u sedangkan yg dia nak jaga itu adalah anak ur SIL..kenapa tak bule je duduk di rumah SIL?

ev700 · Post time 13-4-2007 11:16 PM

Sleepingbeauty,

Kesian u, i think dlm case ni yr hubby tu terlalu sensitip sgt kot. Tp you dah mintak maaf, takpelah. Lama2 oklah tu kot. Let time heals his so called kekecewaan. Padahal kalau ikutkan you yang kena lagi kecewa dgn yr hubby tu.

Another thing is that, i understand yr situataion yang his mom is his mom, she can earn yr respect but not love for i've been in yr situation. Org yang tak pernah rasa to be in yr shoes mungkin akan tulis like what yg kat atas2 tu.

I hope by now yr problem with hubby dah sorted.

sleepingbeauty · Post time 15-4-2007 12:06 AM

thanks so much bro ..

ur comment is very the blues ...
i'm trying hard thinking for the 'tact'

sleepingbeauty · Post time 15-4-2007 12:13 AM

actually i'm not complaining ... i did approach him nicely ... i cuma 'bertanya' .. i x tau apa perasaan isteri2 kat sini when suddenly ur husband bgtau .. mum is going to stay with us to baby sits xxx punya son .. i jd mcm blur tetiba ..

... ntah lah susah nak explain benda ni sebenarnya ...

and another thing .. MIL wont ngok ngek ngok ngek ngan my hb when i'm around ..so i ni sapa ??

sleepingbeauty · Post time 15-4-2007 12:22 AM

i pun sampai sekrg x faham ...

tp i mcm boleh baca ... she just wants to make use all the facilities yg ada kat rumah i (especially my maid) ... lgpun tu kan rumah anak dia ... MIL bgtau my hb yg rumah SIL tu x cukup space utk dia tido (masuk akal x ????) .. yg selama ni berhari2 dia pegi stay overnight kat sana ok la pulak ... biasalah hidden agenda ..

sleepingbeauty · Post time 15-4-2007 12:34 AM

thanks ev ...

atlast i jumpa gak ngan org yg pernah rasa camana yg i rasa ... i wont blame them yg tulis komen2 yg agak pedih gak utk dibaca kat atas2 tu (sebab dia org never been in my situation) ...

nak kata problem dah solved ?? ... x tau lah camana nak ckp .. it just gone with the wind .. i did appologise and he seems very happy with that ... but this thing i am very sure akan timbul balik lepas ni since he is not the type who can bwak berbincang & compromise punya org when it comes to his mum and his siblings ... patut x u rasa ???? ( ni kang ada pulak yg mrah psl cite keburukan laki kat org ... huhuhu)

[ Last edited by sleepingbeauty at 15-4-2007 12:37 AM ]

penmerah · Post time 15-4-2007 12:55 AM

nak jaga anak owang tuh.. nape tak dok skali ngan owang tuh hehehhehe
kijam kah aku

ur SIL pon kenelah bertanggung jawab sikit
takde ruang.. kenelah carik ruang
hehehehheh sikali lagi... kijam kah aku

sleepingbeauty · Post time 15-4-2007 10:30 AM

SIL ??? ni lg sorang manusia yg never try hard enough to berdikari ... her family is pampering her .... especially MIL ni lahh ... adik tu susahlah .. itu lah .. inilahh ... daripada bujang sampai lah dah beranak sorang ni ... x reti2 lg nak usaha sendiri ... apa2 mintak parents sponsor .. apa2 mintak laki aku sponsor ... kalau aku jd laki dia mmg syok sgt ... main lepas tangan jer ... yelah dah family ko boleh sponsor everything .. betul x ??

sampai ke tahap hari sabtu due nak beranak .. hari khamis kelam kabut tepon aku mintak tolong cari sepital ...

she is the only daughter in the family & bongsu pulak tu .. so what .. aku pun anak bongsu jugak ..

sleepingbeauty · Post time 15-4-2007 10:37 AM

sorry mod ....

aku cam rasa tajuk "bagaimana utk berbaik2 ngan mentua" x berapa sesuai lahhh ... sebab the main point kat sini is that camana nak approach laki aku regarding 'behaviour of his mother & adik-beradik dia" ... ya ampun

baiduri_ann · Post time 15-4-2007 02:32 PM

belum abis lagi ?

ev700 · Post time 16-4-2007 12:02 AM

Originally posted by sleepingbeauty at 15-4-2007 10:37 AM
sorry mod ....

aku cam rasa tajuk "bagaimana utk berbaik2 ngan mentua" x berapa sesuai lahhh ... sebab the main point kat sini is that camana nak approach laki aku regarding 'behavio ...

Well, saya pun rasa tak sesuai dgn tajuk tu, mod. Sbb apa yang sleepingbeauty try to sort out here bukan his problem the MIL, but the suami yang tak reti nak berbincang dgn isteri apa2 keputusan yg nak diambil. I dont think tuan rumah not so serasi with her in laws the main issue here.

ev700 · Post time 16-4-2007 12:11 AM

Sleepingbeauty, my hubby used to be like yours before. Tp apa yang family dia buat pada me adalah amat2 teruk sehinggakan my hubby sendiri pun tak dpt nak terima their so called evilness tu.As a consequence, kami merajuk keluar negara so that mereka tak ganggu kami lagi, at least physically.

Harap u sabarlah sleeping. Like my hubby used to said, despite apa yg mereka buat pada kami (me especially), still dia kena treat his family ( my MIL)better than he treated me, sbb ikut statistic mereka akan mati dulu before me. Pasrah jelah.. suami pun bukan lama sgt nak merajuk ngan kita ni.

sleepingbeauty · Post time 16-4-2007 08:49 AM

betullah ev ... kalau diikut-ikutkan hati ni mmg nak merajuk lari pegi duk jauh2 ... tp apakan daya ...

betul u ckp ... sabar je lahh .. anggap jelah dia hidup pun x lama ... tp mana tau kan kot2 i yg mati dulu sebab x tahan stress ...

si bulat · Post time 16-4-2007 10:38 AM

kesian u...
camane bulat nak advise yer..
bulat xder exp cam tu..
coz' bulat sempat ber-MIL only for 2 years..
r'ship dgn SIL also ok...
sebab diorg semua treat me as adik sendiri...

aper yg bulat boleh cakap is lelaki mmg diorg akan side pada family diorg esp. lepas kawin nih kalau wife buat @ cakap lebih sikit, dosa..
so, maybe diorg nih suke amik kesempatan atas tu...

beruducute · Post time 16-4-2007 12:17 PM

faham n simpati to sleepingbeauty...coz I did experienced adanya prob ngan MIL N makan hati ngan sikap hubby...ni tak termasuk nagn kerenah inlaws lagi...But for the moment alhamdulillah even NOW my MIL seem hates me soooo much...takpe la...masa pengubat segalanya....

sis...apa yg I boleh nasihatkan...pandai2 la bwk diri n tackle the prob...but sometime we have to voice out our feeling..if not..no one will understand our situation...

like my case lak...i dont mean to be rude to my MIL...But keadaan yg memaksa I berterus terang..all this while I byk akan hati...

good luck ye sis

[ Last edited by beruducute at 16-4-2007 02:32 PM ]

Blues_guy · Post time 16-4-2007 01:24 PM

Originally posted by sleepingbeauty at 15-4-2007 10:37
sorry mod ....

aku cam rasa tajuk "bagaimana utk berbaik2 ngan mentua" x berapa sesuai lahhh ... sebab the main point kat sini is that camana nak approach laki aku regarding 'behavio ...

Hai sleep,

Aku rasa ko boleh edit tajuk thread ko sendiri, tak perlu tunggu mod. Your point here is not too far from what I suggested earlier (see post #74).

Hope things are turning out for the better. If not for the better, then you just hang in there.. keep us updated. Maybe I have some ideas later on lah.. kita lihat macamana nanti, ok?