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Which is better? Quantity or Quality Time with your Children
By Blake Flannery
Quality Vs. Quantity Time
It's not which road, it's who the driver is.
It's not which road, it's who the driver ...
my-alja Post at 9-7-2009 10:26 
gud point to ponder , respon to blake's posting
Blake, interesting thoughts; but a few points kind of struck meenough to want to comment: Parents need to know that it isn't enough tojust want to spend time with children. "Quality time" may seem like anover-used/cliche term, but children need that one-on-one, high-quality,attention of having one and/or both parents really talk to them andreally enjoy that the time with them. Maybe the question of "qualityversis quantity" shouldn't be asked, but "How much quality time do Ireally spend is one that parents should never forget.
"Howmany books do I have in the house" maybe should be "Is reading a partof everyone's life in this family?" Having a lot of books in the housedoesn't mean children are reading them.
Most importantly, asyou may already know, in the first three years of a child's life hisbrain is actually forming synapses that will help determine not justwhat kind of person he is, but whether his immune system and stressresponse system work appropriately for the rest of his life. As themother of two grown sons and one daughter, all of whom were verysimilar "types" of children when they were little, I have to say that Iput little weight to "passing on good genes" when it comes to a child'spersonality, behavior, and sense of security. One of my sons wasadopted from infancy from someone who wouldn't seem to have had "thebest genes" in the world (established unfit parents, with a birthmother said to be of a "limited mental capacity"). When I think of thetime, thought, study, planning, and care I put into raising my threechildren; and when I see the results of all that thought, work, care,and attention; I know they are not accidents of "good genes". I plannedfor the kind of parent I would be, and I followed through on my plans -and I got the kind of kids I wanted to have (complete with my own mininature/nurture experiment).
I agree with your premise thatthe question shouldn't be quality time versus quantity time, but allthat planning, thinking, working, talking, giving attention, etc., thatI did with my three children was "quality time". |
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9# maizana
hai..maizana si ikan parang asam pedas yg marvellous..
btw..u kije apa..boleh bawak anak gi opis segala..
pstu boleh kuat fetch anak segala..
kalau u lawyer,kije sendirik..emm ...
hereana Post at 9-7-2009 11:09 
I bukan lawyer (loyer buruk boleh lah) dan bukan kerja sendiri..
I kerja dengan gov... orang teknikal.. selalu juga kerja luar pejabat..
I admit.. my schedule is very tight... sampai tak ada masa for myself... kadang2 jeles juga tgk mereka.. hari jumaat boleh tidur atau keluar shopping dgn kawan2.. I nak kemanapun.. mesti ada tentera yang mengekori... 3 orang pulak tu... kalau dating pun kena bawa tentera ...
Sebenarnya.. I pun tak suka bawa anak ke pejabat.. walaupun I ada bilik untuk tempatkan mereka... selalunya kakak yang No. 2 tu jer kat pejabat.. yang kecil2 tu sekolah pagi petang...
Lately I cuba disiplin myself untuk balik ontime.. at least I sampai rumah masih boleh nampak laman.. dan boleh berkomunikasi dengan jiran sambil siram pokok... |
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awalnya you bangun pagi mai...........macam hektik je schedule you.....tapi nampaknya you relax je manage.....bagus n i tabik....contoh ibu yang cekap.
ps....you ni mesti keje gomen.
dukalara Post at 9-7-2009 10:50
dukalara,
U tau lah di KL ni... I stay Semenyih, kerja di KL.. lewat 5 minit boleh jadi perbezaan besar... baiklah sampai awal.. tak payah tension.. anak2 pun tak tension masuk sekolah lewat... dan still ada masa nak bersarapan.. sambil sarapan tu cerita2 sikit...
Kalau keluar jam 6 pagi.. I boleh sampai jam 6.35.. masuk sekolah 7.30 pagi... kalau siapa selalu makan kat Tangling tu.. kawasan parking tu masih lapang lagi... can park anywhere u want.... |
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for anna.....happy reading k
Many anti-working advocates state that the term "Quality Time" was invented by working parents, so they feel less guilty about going back to work. I believe there is quality vs. quantity, and I think we all agree that you cannot cram a whole day's worth of love, values and discipline into one hour in the evening or into the weekend. Just as we can agree that it's not just physically staying home that means you are bonding with your child, but that what you do in the time that you have counts. There are so many debates - Mommy-Wars and references concerning the "Work? Yes or No?" subject - that I will not even go into it much further. I want to concentrate more on what you can do as a working parent to maximize the time you have with your child. If you read my first article, you know I am a strong believer in integrating your child into your life. So if you come home from work and don't feel like cooking, do yourself a favor, pack up the family and go out. Don't get a babysitter; take your child with you! I can't stress enough how great my daughter is in public, even when it's late, because we have always taken her with us. My friends know that if we have a dinner date in the evening after work, my daughter comes with me. My time with her is already limited, she enjoys the change of scenery as much as I do and we are together. I have gotten comments that I can only do that because she is alone. I come from a background where couples take all of their kids with them for dinner, functions, movies, parties (you get the picture), whether they have one or five, and each child learns to be social and have manners in public, one by one. The first child learns from the parents and the younger ones learn from him, good and bad! Find other parents that you can relate to. They are the best support! I found a wonderful friend on one of the "Mommy boards." We met with our husbands and babies for dinner at a restaurant (!) at 9 p.m. (!) and had a wonderful time!
Raising a child, working and taking care of the rest of the family can be very trying at times. Before you rip your hair out, start smoking again or book a one-way to Jamaica, here are my favorite sanity tips:
* LEAVE THE HOUSEWORK FOR LATER (it won't go away, I try that all the time!) I am not suggesting you live in a pigsty, but certain things can wait. Enjoy your evening hours. Relax and play with your child, go for a walk or just watch TV together. After a hard days work and frustrating clients, a game of peek-a-boo and a big hug are the perfect tension tamer.
* Don't feel guilty that you have to work. And don't try to compensate by buying things. The thrill of material things fades fast and the children lose respect for money and gifts, since we teach them that they "deserve" something all the time. Just make time for your child when you are home, like I always say: integrate them. On the rare days that I do cook (!) after work, I sit my daughter in the kitchen with me, secured in her chair with a bunch of kitchen utensils, and I talk and sing with her while I am cooking. She loves watching me and I try to make it more interesting by talking to her the whole time, first in German, then in English, just in case those speech cells are awake! I do this whenever I have something to do, only because some things can't wait till bedtime.
* We live and learn, and grow with our responsibilities! |
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dukalara,
U tau lah di KL ni... I stay Semenyih, kerja di KL.. lewat 5 minit boleh jadi perbezaan besar... baiklah sampai awal.. tak payah tension.. anak2 pun tak tension masuk sekolah lewat... d ...
maizana Post at 9-7-2009 11:44 
oooo....you stay kat semenyih.................jum menyate bebila kat Bangunan Datuk Nazir........... |
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1# annaKarenina
bini aku ada schedule sama mcm ko.. mmg takde option lain sebab tmpt keja jauh..
dan rasanya dari segi masa, aku lebih byk spend time ngan anak aku..
sbb tmpt keja aku dekat jek ngan umah..
but its okay.. as long as anak ko faham yg kesibukan ko adalah utk benefit dia gak..  |
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Dalam hidup didunia ni kita takkan dpt semua bende yg kita nak... and setiap org akan ada path of life mrk sendiri... that quote mmg selalu kita kena pegang or else kita akan sentiasa rasa we are the unlucky person..
Anna ada kerjaya yg bagus, sudah tentu pengorbanan terhadap kuantiti masa dgn family tu terpaksa u lakukan... Btw, cuba bagitau saya, kerjaya apa yg u boleh dpt income 5 figures fixed every month dgn lepak2 je dgn anak2 kat rumah or kerja 4 jam sehari jer? Kalau ada, jom kita sama2 coba....
With yr kind of career, doktor yek.. and i supposed an unlimited access to the internet bila u tak attend patient, kan.. you have banyak cara to be close to yr hubby and kids... Org selalu ingat be with them physically baru kita boleh dpt kualiti time.. its wrong... Yg sebenarnya, be with anak2 and hubby close to their heart that counts....
Dlm masa2 yg agak lengang camni, other than baca forum, you boleh write emails or sms to yr hubby and kids, telling them how much you love them, remind yr kids that solat is important and do it on time eventhough mummy tak de around and tell them to buat their homework early so that they can have an a good quality sleep... You still boleh comunicate and hadir dalam hidup dan hati mrk through emails and sms. I suka hantar teka teki kat anak2 i or send a knock..knock message to them...
Banyak cara u boleh keep the fire burning in the relationship dgn suami mahupun anak2... kita kena kreatif skit. |
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Jadual aku plak ....
5.30am - bangun kejut anak2 siap pegi sekolah, letak breakfast kat meja .. kalo sempat aku tido balik sekejap ..
6.45am - angkut anak2 pegi sekolah, time nih la boleh sembang, tanya sifir, dengar panggilan hangit Hotfm ...
7.00am - sampai sekolah ...
7.05am - sampai opis ...
1.00pm - amik anak2 balik sekolah hantar ke rumah ... lunch sama2 ..
2.00pm - masuk opis balik ...
6.00pm - sampai rumah or pegi jogging .. time ni kids biasanya tengah main ngan kengkawan ... kadang2 aku join main bola/badminton/takraw dgn dorang ... aku rase budak2 kat sini anggap aku one of them .. cool kkikikikii...
7.15pm - mandi
8.00pm - dinner and watch news
8.30pm - tengok TV + study/homework + lipat baju + gurau
10.00pm - kids masuk tido + gosok baju + bermanja dgn bini
11.00pm - masuk bilik + xxx + massage + bed talk
12.00pm - tido
so .. aku rase banyak jugak ler masa aku dgn anak2 .. this is possible sbb rumah, pejabat dan sekolah are nearby .. tak bnyk masa terbuang atas jalan .. sbb tu aritu aku keberatan terima offer keje kat Damansara walopun gaji double drp skrg .. time with the kids is more precious .. no regret .. |
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Post Last Edit by Core at 10-7-2009 13:40
5.30am: get up and hit the shower
5.45am: bangunkan hubby, massage belakang dia, selalu berlaku cubaan sexual harassment masa ni, klu lepas selamatlah dia (eg, bila aku tgh period) klu tak, lagi 15 minit operation interrupted by an adhoc activity
6.00am: Kemas katil and getting ready to work, sekali lagi cubaan sexual harassment berlaku kat atas dressing table (klu tak berjaya yg cubaan kali pertama tadi). Kdg2 kantoi, kdg2 lepas. Klu kantoi, kena mandi lagi sekali.
6.20am: take the kids and walk to SIL's house. Aku selalu dukung my daughter. My daughter ni klu terjaga pagi2 gelap tu pun dia nak berborak. Layan jelah sambil berjalan tu. Yg sulung tu sejak masuk darjah 3 ni je kena jalan sendiri.
6.45am: After breakfast (selalunya hubby two pcs of crackers and me, roti. Drink kitorg share satu cawan). Pastu hubby off to work. Me would be half an hour later lepas sapu2, kemas2 rumah
7.20 -8.00am: On the road, aku akan update hubby dgn info traffic terkini dan borak2 mushy2 sambil dia tunggu nak masuk kerja dan aku pulak sangkut dlm jam
8.30am :Kerja. In between time, aku ngan hubby akan sms each other. Adalah dalam 5,6 sms sehari. Kdg2 buat modal merembes, kalau tak, buat lawak je
11am -12 noon: Dlm waktu ni, I will make attempts to call the kids and talk to them for about 10 mins, kiss2 kat phone pastu dengar my daughter cerita. Kdg2 klu ada mood dia cerita hantu
5pm: Dapat sms dari hubby (yg ni mmg wajib everyday dia akan pesan bawak kereta pelan2, jgn laju2. Kalau dia kerja pagi, dia dah siap masak kat rumah, Klu kerja petang, aku akan beli dinner utk dia, singgah kejap kat tempat kerja dia hantar. Sempatlah kiss2 raba2 kejap dlm kereta.
6pm: Sampai rumah, daughter akan update aku dgn cerita2 terbaru dia, dari mula aku keluar kereta sampai masuk rumah. Masak kejap and workout sikit before hit the shower
6.45pm: Boys came back from school. Lepas mandi, suap kids makan. Kdg2 diorg makan sendiri. Sementara ni kalau hubby kerja petang, aku akan tgk2kan pokok2 dia, siram2 sikit
8pm: Boys off to kelas mengaji, time ni selalunya aku kemas rumah ke. Klu hubby ada, dia akan tolong sort out the laundry.
8.30pm: Help the kids with their homework. Lepas tu tolong diorg pack brg sekolah. At times, aku akan check telinga diorg bersih ke tak, kuku diorg kalau dah panjang, kaki, mata pendek kata semualah aku check, takutlah budak ni kdg2 ada something wrong pun taknak bgtau
9.30pm: layan kids borak2 sambil lepak kat balcony atau kat garden. Kdg2 dating ngan hubby kat garden berdua2, kids main ngan cousin diorg. Kdg2 bentang tikar baring sambil tgk bintang dan borak2 and sometimes end up.............
10.30pm: kids off to bed. Tgk tv kejap or lepak balik kat balcony sambil dengar lagu or hubby nyanyi dengan gitar kapok dia
11.30 pm: Masuk bilik utk aktiviti..............and zzzzzzzz
Note: Baju aku byk wrinkle-free so, aku tak buang masa gosok baju. Baju anak2 sekolah hantar laundry siap gosok sekali. Baju hubby dia gosok sendiri sbb dia tak suka kalau aku gosok ada dua lines |
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Core,
So detail... sampai ke sms pun masuk schedule..., nasib style apa tak masuk sekali.... |
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best gak ada jadual tetap neh..
gue lak.. seminggu ada 7 hari..
so, gue ada 7 set jadual berbeza..
caca marba!!  |
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Jadual aku plak ....
5.30am - bangun kejut anak2 siap pegi sekolah, letak breakfast kat meja .. kalo sempat aku tido balik sekejap ..
6.45am - angkut anak2 pegi sekolah, time nih la boleh semban ...
kudajantan77 Post at 10-7-2009 10:04
Sejadah kat rumah hang buat tamu yang datang sajork ka Bro?????
ekekekeke....just kidding.......... |
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"Who am I?"
Ask yourself these questions first:
* Am I a good influence on my children?
* Do I want to spend time with my children?
* How many books do I have in my house?
* Did I pass on good genes to my children?
my-alja Post at 9-7-2009 10:26
Who am I? I am a mother who spend more time with her patients than her own kids..
Am I a good influence on my children? Hmnn... my girl says she doesnt wanna become a doctor sbb mom always busy.
Do I wanna spend time with my kids? Yes.. more than anything in this world..If I cont to be this busy i would consider quiting my job..
How many books..? Hmnn.. bertimbun ..
Good genes...? Alhamdulillah.. my kids mmg sempurna , cantik, mata bersinar2... bright girl and boy... 23 pairs of good chromosomes... from both of us.. Cuma aku harap tak aku sia2kan kurniaan Allah ni jadi terbiar... |
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25# my-alja
Thank u my-alja ... its quite true i'll tend to buy things for my kids sbb rase guilty ... i like the idea of cooking with kids.. nanti i cuba.. |
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25# my-alja
Thank u my-alja ... its quite true i'll tend to buy things for my kids sbb rase guilty ... i like the idea of cooking with kids.. nanti i cuba..
annaKarenina Post at 10-7-2009 20:13
best woo cooking with kids neh anna..
last weekend ku buat cake ngan anak2.. dah ready semua bahan, dorang cemplung semua bahan kat pengadun sekali gus..
hasilnya.. cake bentat  |
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36# NURMIMIE
heheh.... nanti aku cuba pulak... my girl suka juga buat kek... |
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28# ev700
knock..knock message ...i like..
cuma my kids masih 6 yrs and 4 yrs.. tak de handphone lagi.. so far i cuma knock knock msging my hubby... |
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3# tina
mmmm.. tak jugak. aku cikgu. tapi tak semua cikgu la kot. bergantung pada sekolah dan pentadbir serta budaya kerja kita. aku dalam keje pukul 7am - 330pm everyday termasuk sabtu 8am - 1pm... |
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29# kudajantan77
aku mmg kagum dan jeles .. a dad of 6 and plenty of happy time with loved ones |
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Post time 9-7-2009 11:20 AM
Author
![[MBC/Netflix] My Dearest - Nam Goong Min, Ahn EunJin, Lee Hak Joo, Lee Da In, Lee Chung Ah](https://uf.cari.com.my/forumx/mforum/block/94/94757acd959540192a1827ccf40f50b2.jpg)
