addamnor posted on 9-8-2012 05:34 PM 
hmm since aku jenis macam ni, aku biar dia je la decide. dia nak kat aku, dia stay, dia rasa dia n ...
...tak baik cakap macam nie...seolah2 your wife...your relationship and marriage means nothing to u...
...your expectations on your wife kenalah realistic...jangan menaruh harapan yang terlalu tinggi cos unmet expectations hanya akan membuat ko frustrated dan angry saja...bikin sakit hati saja...so...korang kenalah learn masing2 punya strengths and limitations...maximise each other punya strengths tuk perkuatkan lagik hubungan korang berdua...dan acknowledge korang punya kelemahan atau limitations and learn how to deal with korang punya shortcomings nie in a positive manner...yang tidak akan membuat hubungan korang berdua tergugat...
...differences in perceptions and expectations can certainly add up to alot of pressure and stress kalau korang tak tau bagaimana nak handle dan cope with these issues...there is no question that u and your wife are different....in many ways plak tu...but...when both of u dah agreed to enter into this marriage...ini bermakna yang korang sama2 dah bersedia to accept whatever challenges yang coming ahead of u...and agreed to put your differences together and working into becoming a team...
...u mentioned that u are the kind ofperson yang tak suka shopping...jalan2 dan sebagainya....ko lebih suka berkerja dan memasak kalau u have free time...well...this is one ofthe reasons why your wife is frustrated with u...cos...each time dia ajak ko kluar shopping atau jalan2...ko keberatan tuk lakukan...cos like u said...u find them boring...waste of time...however...u didnt think that this was your mistake...cos...like u have mentioned earlier dah memang sifat ko tak suka benda2 nie...whether your wife likes it or not...she has to somehow accept it and deal with it...nie yang ko mahu kan....tak gitu???...
...while u expect your wife to learn to deal with your habits and norms...how about u??...have u tried to make effort to deal with her habits and norms??...aku rasa your wife sleeps alot cos not only is she tired after working in the ward (u doktor kan??...takkan tak tau routine kerja seorang misi??...bley questioned plak betul ke penat...  )...she must be pretty bored alone at home most of the time given that u are always working long hours in the clinics and hospital...
...have u tried making some changes in your routine??...have u tried making time for your wife??...layankan kemahuan dia...buat dia happy dan senangkan hatinya??...as it is...from your postings....aku dapati ko banyak mengeluh bila menceritakan the time yang ko spent with your wife...wife ajak pi shopping barangan dapur ko mengeluh...wife ajak window shopping ko nak nangis...wife ajak balik kampung ko mengeluh jugak...seriously speaking...aku kesian sangat2 kat isteri ko...and u got the cheek to say kalau dia tak happy ngan cara ko dia bley blah and no one gonna stop her...
...your wife has been trying to communicate ngan ko...but unfortunately...u are not responding to her becos she verbalised her feelings via sms...which...u mentioned...u hate it...ko tak suka baca sms yang panjang2...dan u just deleted her sms without even bother to read them....i find it very sad u noe...u dont even have the time...u dont even want to spare a few minutes of your time to read what your wife is feeling...just becos dia meluahkan perasaannya melalui sms...ko rasa ianya tak penting tuk ko membacanya...cos ko lebih suka dia jumpa ko direct dan luahkan perasaannya depan ko face to face...but bro...tak semua orang has the guts to verbalise their feelings face to face...sms...letter writing...email...nie semua are just alternative mediums of communications...and as such...u should not have just deleted her sms...how are u going to communicate effectively ngan your wife kalau her attempts to establish communication with u kerap kali ko reject??...
...kalau ko hidup sendirian...bleylah ko nak buat camnie.....but...u are in a marriage now...u have another team player with u...so...u have to learn how to communicate effectively with your other half...cos...without communication...macam mana korang nak survive??...macam mana ko tau apa yang dia fikirkan...apa yang dia inginkan...begitu jugak ngan dia...kalau ko tak mo cakap kat dia apa yang terbuku dalam hati dan otak ko...macam mana ko nak expect dia tau segala2nya tentang ko??...u cannot just base on assumptions saja...cos what u assume may not be true...
...ive always stressed on the need to communicate with your spouse...cos i really believe that communication is a vital part in solving your problems and differences...kalau ada sesuatu yang rasa2nya ko tak senang hati atau tak puashati...then u need to voice it out...cos really...if u care enuff about your spouse...about your marriage...then u should be able to confront each other ngan cara yang lembut dan bersopan...dan if u care enuff to heal your marriage...then u should be willing to work at changing yourself for the good of your other half and your marriage...
...ginilah bro.....nasihat aku...kalau ko betul2 hargai perkawinan ko nie...then ko kenalah bersedia tuk change some of your behaviours or attitude tu...deflate sikit ego ko tu...pandai2lah ko menyesuaikan diri ko ngan alam perkawinan nie...bukan your wife saja yang nak kena adapt ngan your routine...ko jugak kena sesuaikan diri ko ngan her routine also...
...kalau korang rasa2 masa korang agak limited becos of the clash in duty roster...perhaps u can have a talk ngan your wife mintak dia tukar to clinics yang usually operates at office hours...or...korang boleh compare roster masing2 dan your wife can plan her duty roster by making requests on days yang dapat ketemukan korang berdua...
...bila u dah jadi ketua keluarga...u have to make time for your family...marriage life is not just about making money saja...u have to make time for love...and this is one area yang aku rasa ko lacking sangat2...tak guna kalau u have tons of money but no one to spend them with...tak guna kalau ada duit berkoyan2 tapi dalam hati sepi dan kosong saja...
...so...u have to learn to balance your working life ngan your marriage life...aku rasa your wife would be a happy wife kalau ko dapat luangkan equal time spent kat kerja ngan time spent tuk dia...
...good luck doc...
Last edited by blackmore on 10-8-2012 02:41 PM
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Post time 10-8-2012 01:57 PM
menakutkan..
