19. Ecuador: Gabriel Achilier
Charlie Crowhurst / Getty Images
Gabriel has the kind of handsomeness that wins awards, just because people want to give him awards — any award — so they can be near him and his thick, burly jaws.
18. Costa Rica: Diego Calvo
Diego is the kind of man who could do something really stupid to his hair and you’d be like, “I wish I could get angry at you, because that looks pretty dumb, but we’re gonna get through this, we’ll just put you in a hat.”
17. Iran: Alireza Jahanbakhsh
MIGUEL SCHINCARIOL/AFP / Getty Images
I could write an entire novel about Alireza’s eyebrows alone — a love story, featuring me, an innocent damsel trapped in a tall, dark tower, and his eyebrows, the strapping pair of heroes who rescue me from capture before getting me pregnant and nurturing me lovingly for the rest of my life, until (SPOILER ALERT!) we die, holding one another softly, like we always had.
16. Japan: Keisuke Honda
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Keisuke is a delicate, smooth flower. When he sweats, it’s like a petal gathering dew in the fresh dawn of morning. You just want to smell it. And then drink it.
15. Mexico: Francisco Rodríguez
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Francisco is the kind of hunk that inspires fear with his attractiveness, the kind of guy that makes you want to scream, just from looking at him, because you cannot believe one human can contain this much beauty.
14. Belgium: Dries Mertens
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Dries is like an adorable little mouse who happens to be really hot and have a six pack and looks good without a shirt on even when he’s wearing a straw hat.
13. Chile: Alexis Sanchez
David Ramos / Getty Images
Alexis is the kind of guy whose skin probably feels like soft blankets, freshly cleaned and dried in the hot sun, and you just want to throw them on the floor and roll around in them and feel your skin against their warmth.
12. Honduras: Víctor Bernárdez
AP Photo/Moises Castillo
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Víctor looks like he could pick you up and toss you onto a bed without even breaking a sweat, conserving his energy for more important things… like making you breakfast in bed.
11. Algeria: Saphir Taider
Mario Carlini / Iguana Press / Getty Images
Saphir could sit on anything and it would look like a throne, especially when all he’s wearing is a pair of sunglasses.
10. Australia: James Troisi
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Arms. Face. Hair. Boob tattoo. Nipples. Eyes. Everything.
9. Ghana: Kevin-Prince Boateng
Dean Mouhtaropoulos / Getty Images
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Kevin-Prince looks like he might stare at you for a long time and you’d get a little creeped out, because why is this guy staring at you like this, but then he starts smiling and you start smiling and he starts laughing and you start laughing and before you know it, you’re just making out and all he did was look at you.
8. Argentina: Ezequiel Lavezzi
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Ezequiel’s beard is the definition of a hot beard. All other beards should be judged against this beard. This beard is ruler of all beards. It’s bristly, yet soft, made of the finest Argentinian hairs and mounted on one of the most beautiful faces known to the Americas.
7. Portugal: Miguel Veloso
David Ramos / Getty Images
OK, yes, Cristiano Ronaldo is on Team Portugal, and he is, inarguably, a really, really, ridiculously good-looking human. But guess what? Miguel looks better. If Miguel modeled underwear, the world would end. That’s how attractive Miguel is. Miguel’s face and teeth and eyes and hair and smile are a gift to this earth, and we should all be lucky that we’re alive at the same time as he is.
6. Germany: Mats Hummels
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Mats Hummels doesn’t even try to be hot. He just is hot. He lives and breathes and exists while being hot. He doesn’t know any other way.
5. Croatia: Dejan Lovren
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Dejan is STUPIDLY hot. The kind of hot that makes you forget your own name. The kind of hot that makes you forget you even exist because you start thinking about how Dejan is the only person who should exist, so the world could be absolutely perfect.
4. Brazil: Neymar
David Ramos / Getty Images
David Ramos / Getty Images
Neymar is the perfect package: He’s adorable, he’s sexy, his hair is flawless, his stomach is tight, and he’s probably saved a puppy who fell into a well once or twice.
3. Spain: Sergio Ramos
Martin Rose / Getty Images
Mens Health
Yes, the entire Spanish team is hot. But Sergio isn’t just a pretty face. He also has pretty hair and pretty muscles and a pretty beard and a pretty tattoo just above his pubes.
2. France: Olivier Giroud
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Olivier is the closest thing to a statuesque French God this world will ever know. I would watch him eat an entire baguette using nothing but his lips.
1. Italy: Ciro Immobile
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Arriving at Ciro Immobile as not only the Hottest Italian, but the Overall Hottest World Cup Player, was not an easy journey. There are over 700 total World Cup players (that’s like, 1,400 pecs and over 4,000 abs), and all of them are pretty hot. But none of them — NO, NOT EVEN THE ONE YOU’RE THINKING OF — is as hot as Ciro. Ciro is everything. Ciro gets into hot tubs with his friends wearing white underwear and he doesn’t care. Ciro has the face of a fine Italian sculpture, the body of a Roman god, and the personality of someone who has a really great personality. He is the One True Hot World Cup Player.
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