...LETS JOKE TO TICKLE THE MIND...

seribulan

My 21/2-year-old grandson, 
Sam, brought a coloring book 
to me and said, “Read it.”

I proceeded to make up
words to go with each page. When I finished “reading,” Sam said, “I don’t think I’ve heard that story before.”

abbyra

hahahaha so funny!!!! nakkk gelakkk jugakk la walaupun kesian
An airplane was about to crash.
There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said “I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, “I am the newly-elected US President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don’t want me to die.” He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, “My son, I am old and don’t have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.”
The little boy said, “That’s okay, Your Holiness, there’s a parachute left for you.
America’s smartest President took my schoolbag.”

abbyra

hahahahaha!!!adoi layan lawakk sebelom tidur..
Membeli Vitamin di Farmasi
Ibu Sri yang baru mendapat wang selepas menjual ikan di pasar, akan pergi ke farmasi untuk membeli vitamin untuk anaknya yang berusia dua tahun.

Bu Sri: "Encik, ada vitamin untuk anak saya?"
Ahli farmasi: "Vitamin apa, Bu? Ada vitamin A, vitamin B, dan vitamin C."
Bu Sri: "Vitamin apa saja boleh. Anak saya belum mengerti aksara lah."
Ahli farmasi: ????????

abbyra

adoiiiik yang bi pepagi dah buat gelakkk!!!found it on instagram; @lawakhambar

at watson counter...
akak cashier: nak jadi member tak?
aku: eh baru kenal nak ajak jadi member
akak cahsier: ........

hahahahahahahhaa

seribulan

Because every play has a cast. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.

KILL_NANCY

1 . A mexican magician tells his audience, "I will disappear on the count of three." He counts down.. "Uno... dos..." And then he disappears, without a tres.

2 . Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? He was too far out, man.

3 . A squirrel is in a pine tree, when all of a sudden, it starts shaking. He looks down, and sees an elephant climbing the tree.

"What are you doing? Why are you climbing my tree?" the squirrel calls down to the elephant.

"I'm coming up there to eat some pears!" the elephant responds.

"You fool! This is a pine tree! There aren't any pears up here!"

The elephant looks perplexed for a moment, and then says, "Well I brought my own pears."

4 . A computer scientist goes to get some groceries. Before he leaves, his wife tells him "while you're there, get some eggs".

He never comes home.

5 . A: Do you know what's the most important thing in comedy?

B: I don't know.

A: Ask me then!

B: Ok, what's the most impo...
A: Timing!

6 . How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten! Ten tickles!

7 . A ghost walks into a bar and orders a shot of vodka. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve spirits here."

8 . What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter what you call it, it's not going to come.

9 . Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

It was in tents.(intense)

10 . I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

11 . What did batman say to robin before they got in the Batmobile?

"Get in the Batmobile"


12 . One whale said to the other "OOOOOAAHAAHHGHHOOOOOOOAAAAOOOAOAOAHHH."

The other whale said "Steve, get some sleep, you can't even speak!"

13 . What's a foot long and slippery?

A slipper.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

14 . What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear

What do bears wear on their feet? Nothing, *they're bare foot

Why aren't koalas actual bears? The don't meet the koalafications

15 . A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if he's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I think not." POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am.

But to explain the concept beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

16 . A guy goes into a lawyer's office and asks the lawyer: "Excuse me, how much do you charge?"

The lawyer responds: "I charge 1,000 to answer three questions."

"Bloody hell - That's a bit expensive isn't it?"

"Yes. What's your third question?"

17 . I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

18 . Guess what my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket?

"I wonder how far I can kick this bucket."

19 . The vendor replies, "No need to get violent. Do you want the fifty back or something valuable I recently found?"

The Buddhist replies, "What did you find?"

The vendor holds up a small peppermint chocolate with a hole in the middle, holds it up to the sun until a small light shines through the hole, and says "A light in mint".

20 . The Buddhist chips a tooth on the mint and so he goes to the dentist. The dentist goes to give him Novacaine but the Buddhist declines because he wants to transcend dental medication.

@seribulan

KILL_NANCY

Xxxx
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KILL_NANCY

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Xxxx

KILL_NANCY

seribulan saya ingatkan line saya problem.so saya cuba untuk send balik.tu cuma offensive jokes je.saya tak tau awak yang delete.banyaknya kena potong.rasa macam lava pula.kalau saya salah tadi tegurlah dulu.terima kasih.

KILL_NANCY

tawar hati terus.alang2 banhammer je terus.rasa bersalah sangat.maaf sebab menyusahkan seribulan.selamat hari raya.

BedahBedul

KILL_NANCY

21 . Grandad at my Grandma's funeral
Family friend: Are you alright?
Grandad: No, I'm half left.
It's his favourite joke, never misses a beat

22 . Dad: When this heals, will I be able to play the piano?

Doctor: Yes, you'll be fine in a few days.

Dad: Perfect, I've always wanted to be able to play an instrument.


23 . Reversing the car "Ahh, this takes me back."

24 . Every time I stubbed my toe as a kid, my dad would ask if he should call a toe truck.

25 . When a bug hits the windshield while driving "bet he doesnt have the guts to do that again"

26 . holding a step ladder "this is my step ladder... I never knew my real ladder."

27 . I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.

28 . How do you starve a Mexican?

You hide the food stamps under the soap.

29 . What do you call a man with no nose and no body?

Nobody nose.

30 . Call me a taxi.
"You're a taxi".

31 . My dad does this every time we go out to eat.

Waitress: sees that dad hasn't eaten all his food "Do you want a box for that?"

Dad: "No, but I'll wrestle ya for it!"

32 . How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.

33 . A flock of geese passes by overhead, in class 'v' formation.

Dad: Do you know why one side of the 'v' is longer than the other?

Son: No, why?

Dad: Because it has more geese.

34 . Nurse to my dad at the hospital after he was hit by a car on his bike: do you smoke?

Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire

Nurse: (looks to my mom)

Mom: no.

35 . I managed to tell this one straight faced at dinner one night.

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car. MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single crow could shout "Truck."

36 . Driving past a cemetery:

dad: "did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"

me: "really? why not?"

dad: "because they're not dead yet."

37 . You: Hey! You got a hair cut!

Me: Nope, I got them ALL cut.

38 . So, one day, a cop is sitting in his car waiting to try to catch speeders. He sees this guy in a pickup truck and the bed is absolutely full of penguins. He pulls the guy over just to find out what's going on.

"Is there a problem, officer?" the guy asked. "No, but what are you doing with all these penguins?" "I don't know yet." the guy replies. "Well you need to take them to the zoo." "The zoo? That's a great idea! Thank you!" The guy drives away.

The next day, the cop sees the same guy with his truck still full of penguins. He pulls him over again. "Didn't I tell you to take those penguins to the zoo?" the cop says,

"I did!" The guy in the pickup truck says. "It was great. Today, I'm taking them to the beach!"

39 . Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team? Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already in the United States!

40 . How can you fit 100 Jews in a Volkswagon?

Two in the front seats, two in the back seats and rest in the ashtray.

KILL_NANCY

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Mahathirina

seribulan replied at 14-2-2017 09:59 PM
3 most difficult things to do in the world :

1,you can't count your hair

Jilakak..

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