...LETS JOKE TO TICKLE THE MIND...

rorygilmore

There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.

rorygilmore

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

rorygilmore

If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.

rorygilmore

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

rorygilmore

A man asks his friend for a cigarette. His friend says, "I think you made a New Year resolution to quit smoking."
The man says, "I am in the process of quitting. Right now, I am in the middle of phase one."
"What's phase one?"
"I've quit buying."

rorygilmore

Mother is waking her son: “Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.”
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“Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.”
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“No, it’s really high time, now get up.”
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“But I don’t want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!”
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“Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!”
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“Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to the stupid school.”
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“Paulie, first of all, you’re 45, and second, you’re the headmaster.”

ctjah

A funeral service is being held in a chuch for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carrying the casket accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the women is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end the pallbearers are again carrying the casket out. As they are walking, the husband calls out, “Watch out for the wall!”

ctjah

An old man went to the Doctor complaining that his wife could barely hear. The Doctor suggested a test to find out the extent of the problem. “Stand far behind her and ask her a question, and then slowly move up and see how far away you are when she first responds.” The old man excited to finally be working on a solution for the problem, runs home and sees his wife preparing supper. “Honey,” the man asks standing around 20 feet away “What’s for supper?” After receiving no response he tried it again 15 feet away, and again no response. Then again at 10 feet away and again no response. Finally he was 5 feet away “Honey what’s for supper?” She replied, “For the fourth time it’s spaghetti!!!”

ctjah

Always self conscious of his lack of ears, whenever Bob would interview a future employee, he would as him “what do you notice different about me?”. If the employee would mention his lack of ears (which often they did), it would be a for sure “no” for the job. However if the employee would mention something else, he would hire the guy.

One year, at the yearly Holiday business party, Bob approached his most recent hireling and asked him if he remembered the last question he had asked him when interviewing him for the job.

“Sure I do” was his reply. “You asked me what was different about you and I said that you were wearing contact lenses.”

“Of all things to answer”, Bob questioned curiously, “why was that the thing you noticed?”

“Well, to be honest, it was quite simple. How could you possibly be wearing glasses if you don’t have any ears!”

ctjah

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

He wanted cold hard cash.

ctjah

What do prisoners use to call each other?

Cell phones!

ctjah

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.

ctjah

Why can’t your  nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it’d be a foot!

ctjah

Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

Because they can spend years at “C”!

KhunJee

Money cant buy you happiness but, it's more comfortable to cry in Mercedes than on a bicycle.

KhunJee

Im going to stand outside. So if anyone ask, I am outstanding.

KhunJee

When something goes wrong in your life, just yell 'PLOT TWIST' and move on !

ctjah

A lady came in for a routine physical at the Doctor’s office.

“Here”, said the nurse, handing her a urine specimen container. “The bathroom is over there on your right. The Doctor will be with you in a few minutes.”

A few minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom with an empty container and a relieved look on her face. “Thanks! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all!”

ctjah

A lady came in for a routine physical at the Doctor’s office.

“Here”, said the nurse, handing her a urine specimen container. “The bathroom is over there on your right. The Doctor will be with you in a few minutes.”

A few minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom with an empty container and a relieved look on her face. “Thanks! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all!”

ctjah

Judge to the Dentist

What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.