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foolsunlimited

Originally posted by thah at 17-4-2007 10:30 AM
this song.....eeerrrmmm i miz my old frenz....

dulu2 masa skolah...lagu ni sbg tema geng2 kami....ape pun yg terjadi..jgn ada bnci antara kita sume

menarik kan, lirik dia? saya dengar pun suka. dan saya rasa, betul lirik tu.

foolsunlimited

a poem from a 9 year old child..........she lives here today.

Darkness is opoun me
I fell in sorro
The pettles on the flowers were falling
Softly into the Anforgetable ground

Lites where  fading
Chlidrens laughs where slowly fading in the cold hard ground

Big footsteps where comming louder and louder
I hid in the dark water
As he aproach.

The earth was shaken
Everything there vanished into thin cole air
Air like a pile of dust

And I lay there helpless.

Aesyah 17 April 2007.

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This was supposed to be the last day, before I embarked in the project. I had mentioned that morning is a no go because the bag and shoes need attention. But the plan was changed and since the mode of communication requires the same meeting place, the change couldn抰 be conveyed so I had to wait.

I had been in the house.. It抯 an old house but with lots of good (and might I say badly) events. You may want to call it: stories, or life. The bed is still there but hasn抰 been occupied for ages. The last change of the sheet was in November, before the official separation. Then it was left. I went in the bedroom every now and then. Just to find it empty. We are not allowed to be in, together. So he said 搉anti pegawai pencegah maksiat datang

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When it was said I couldn抰 feel it any longer, it was agreed. And it was agreed the reasons as to why. But yesterday in the end two lines were said, one word were used, one line was uttered. Kata kata keramat. I had waited for almost 6 months now for that. Since the big hurricane. And I dreamt about it last night.

Yesterday those were said. And I will hold on to that. Maybe it will be said again on my birthday?

thah

lirik 2 amat amat amat bermakna n mendalam skali

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23 April 2007

She has started, looking very cute in skirt and shirt. It is term 3. I think I made the right decision. It抯 the comfortable feeling when I sent her. Motherly instinct you may say. Afterwards it was story on the events of the day. No details were left. And I抦 committed this time. We even signed an agreement. I, under no circumstances will scream. I hereby declare.

Yesterday I declared her a math genius. That抯 because you don抰 scream anymore, she says. Oh yeah? I thought it was my genes she inherited.

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Emotionally it抯 another roller coaster week I guess. At the start of the week. Im thinking a lot. I didn抰 sleep again. What was said cuts like a knife. If there were any competition on who should be dumped first, the chosen one would be me. That抯 where I am.

Perhaps it is time. Perhaps I should have exited gracefully. Perhaps I no longer am needed?

When I came in there was a private message......and the story was retold. I went down the memory lane.....

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Di Hari Persandingan Mu (Yunizar Hussein)

Dalam sepi ku terbayang
Wajahmu bermain di mataku
Lantas bercucuran airmata
Berlinangan dipipiku

Mengenangkan peristiwa
Di suatu masa kita berdua
Bermesra dan saling menyinta
Namun perpisahan akhirnya

Betapa sedih betapa pilu
Melihat kau berdua di situ
Bersama duduk di atas takhta
Di hari persandinganmu

Burung-burung pun turut berkicau
Menyanyikan lagu indah
Sanak saudara sekelian yang ada
Semua turut gembira

Selamat ku ucapkan padamu
Semoga kau bahagia dengan pilihanmu
Selamat ku pinta izin pergi dahulu
Membawa diriku ke alam baru

Selamat wahai pengantin baru
Semoga bahagia ke anak cucu
Selamat tinggal oh! sayangku
Semoga gembira selalu

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I must say, the message put a smile on my face. I had always admired the writer. The style. the elegence. Words were matched together perfectly. And I got the message, a private one.  I was the audience. This time on a VIP ticket.

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It was two days ago that I had found the missing link and that makes me the happiest person again. I saw rainbow of colors. For a while, like before, I was reaching for the stars and romancing the dreams...

Then it all shattered. Like broken glass. Im again feeling helpless, watching the drama of life, that I once help created. Were were the directors.

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One Day In Your Life


One day in your life
You抣l remember a place
Someone touching your face
You抣l come back and you抣l look around, you抣l . . .

One day in your life
You抣l remember the love you found here
You抣l remember me somehow
Though you don抰 need me now
I will stay in your heart
And when things fall apart
You抣l remember one day . . .

One day in your life
When you find that you抮e always waiting
For a love we used to share
Just call my name, and I抣l be there

You抣l remember me somehow
Though you don抰 need me now
I will stay in your heart
And when things fall apart
You抣l remember one day . . .

One day in your life
When you find that you抮e always lonely
For a love we used to share
Just call my name, and I抣l be there

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5th of May

The visit this time was what it had become before. Before I left, before I decide enough is enough. She was taking us to the same path again. I need to make some decision now. I need to know who to trust. It was unpleasant, the bitterness that dig down to my veins.

She didn抰 understand why. But she was on my side. We don抰 know whether we are in the right path, but we all approach the subject differently. This time she involved him but how come? I called and verify. No, he didn抰 say that. I had loved him like a brother.

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Sunday we took another big step. I was so nervous. The whole journey, I was walking down memory lane. The fights, the hurt, and the first time I went there when I was a young girl, going there with hopes and promise of garden of roses.

We were received. Surprisingly things were calm. Everyone in their own memories. I felt the sadness. I looked around me. The house next door, where we used to live. Now they had rented it to someone else. It was our house, but on their land. I had never wanted to claim it back. I left with the good and the bad memories. I left never wanting to come back.

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I had wanted too much to peak inside the house. It抯 just something inside me. The house has stories to tell. But it is not right. It is no longer ours. I noticed they had changed the curtain厖. We had left the house in a hurry.

Toksu, Wa came too. And the babysitter. She is a single mother. I felt a deep guilt inside me. How come there抯 no letters? No news from us. Where were we? I had no answers.

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We left in the evening. Surprisingly, I felt relief. I had done my responsibility. Will do again if I need to. With age, I started to learn that it is not about just me. Its more about people around me. 揕oved ones擺/color]

She did 50 pages of English homework. Catching up. And multiplication and division. Today I talked to Shahrul about it, 搒o that we can reduce screaming and tears擺/color]

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I was missing him the whole weekend.

We had durian. I remembered he called it duyan.

Before I left, I had read back the last message that was sent, after the separation. He was still very gentle with me. I had missed him, that one. The one I used to know. But he said that one is no longer there. My hopes have shattered and I think we are moving further and further away from each other. It was meant to be.

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its the beginning of an end......

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Tiredness, and illusion, of being drunk at 2 am in the morning. The mind wonders it was a nightmare. Turning and tossing I begin to try to make sense of it all. Tomorrow this shall end.

I talked to god. Have I forgotten god, I must have. I haven抰 talk to him for ages. I seek forgiveness and I asked him to give me some strength. I was drunk. I tried to sleep again. I told god what happened. I shouldn抰 involve him this is a sin. I have sinned so much but who else is there to involve. I went back to sleep.

Only a few second, I was awake again. Do not think, think happy thought. Mind wondered again. Replay of the events leading to state of drunkenness. I wonder what was done. I know it was all thrown away, rubbish.

Was it all meant? The words and the hatred. Don抰 think and try to get some sleep. I tossed and turned. I talked to god again. Help.

I tried the sleep. The mind. That抯 the problem. I want so much not to think. What have I become. What was I before all this? Before I got involve? Is this for the better? Do not think. Mind wonders, sleep won抰 come.

I was drunk and covered in my own tears, blood. Blood is for murder. I was murdered. Was it? No. I couldn抰 make sense of it all.

How long has it been?

I heard the azan. Soon I have to get up. My alarm started to beep. I had put my mobile near my pillow. So I can hear the alarm.

The azan continued, then the prayer. It is subuh. I got up feeling very tired. I still couldn抰 eat. Last night I didn抰 eat. I couldn抰 take breakfast. I wanted to throw up.

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The grant application. That抯 due. But mind is blank. What was the reference? Should I attend the event? I looked at the pamphlet. It says PWTC. I was to go. But mind is blank. Maybe ill just pass. Maybe, just for today.

Hatred can affect deep inside us. So is anger. I want to rid myself. I will ask god. I need to talk to Him again. Tonight. I will do that tonight. I抦 tired.

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Children, they help you sometimes. I studied the innocent face looking at me. 揑 love you mommy