self-esteem vs self-worth

Delifrance

i THINK (again) I would have become a very INSECURED person if not for the things i learnt from my dad...

when i reckon some of the things that he had said to me..i realize that he has become my biggest influence and greatest teacher of life..

pernah lepas dpt lesen kete, aku takde keje dok melopong depan tv (bosan seh tv zaman dulu2 bukan mcm sekang).. my dad came home from work dia cakap - lemah lembut je "buat apa tu.... tadi i saw mak ngah (ade nenek tua neighbour kitorang) at the bus stop... why don't u go down there and see where she wants to go.." i was reluctant but too lazy to argue so pi tukar jeans and capai kunci kereta.. dlm hati..kalau mak ngah ni nak ke bandor takkan aku kene hantor gak? (bandar which is 11 km away..from where i came from, 11 km is FAR ok!).. kadang2 aku wonder cemana bapak aku bahagia betul kawen dgn mak aku..sebab kalau mak aku ayat dia mesti mcm ni "hang ni drpd dok melopong depan tv tu elok laa kalau pi buat mende2 berpekdah sket" - so i have to think what is right to do other than melopong depan tv..tp bapak aku straight kasik example..and get me to think about it later even up to these days

aku pernah cakap "eii..buruk aa pagar umah kite..apesal tak tukar pagar macam umah sebelah?" bapak aku jawab slow je.."takpe la pagar umah kite buruk.. kalau buat cantik2 nanti org kampung tanak dtg rumah kita..diorang kan org susah, nanti diorang malu nak dtg"

masa aku amik lesen, bapak aku suh maid kitorang (yg duduk dgn kitorang lebih dr 20 tahun) amik lesen sekali..aku gila punya pelik la..ape la pekdah nye suh makcik ni amik lesen sekali dgn aku...tak dpt la aku nak merapu atau mengorat kat tempat belajar kete tu. pulak tu dah la susah nak lepas, dah dpt lesen haram tak reti bawak kete jugak..MEMBAZIR siot! so aku pernah cakap kat maid tu "gila membazir la awak ni amik lesen, bukan reti bawak kete pon" kalau mak aku dengar dia dah lempang aku dah kot. tp bapak aku yg dengar..dia sound aku elok2 je lepas tu "tak baik cakap kat dia macam tu..dia kan sekolah sampai darjah 6 je...i don't think that she has ever dreamt of even holding the steering. For her to pass the driving exam is like a miracle to her you know'

dah tulis2 ni baru aku perasan that always forget to put my dad as my role model when it comes to parenting... asyik ikut kepala angin aku je mengamuk kat anak2 aku... if only i can half as calm and tolerative like him!

jap jap..korang dpt tak msg yg aku cuba cakap kan ni...and..ade kah aku terkeluar dr scope perbincangan??

my-alja

sincerely, i dun get it......
tapi suka baca hang punya pengalaman...

my-alja

all human are equip with certain intelligent when they are born...like myself, i dun have to learn abt people skill so much...jadi bila i baca buku carnegie, its sound foolish to that extent the author had to teach how to make frens with others ...

bila hubby suruh i baca buku prof.convey ,7 habits....i can see all the attributes given by that prof, laid in him beautifully....
my son punya human skill , "

my-alja

Originally posted by Delifrance at 10-9-2008 01:18 AM
i THINK (again) I would have become a very INSECURED person if not for the things i learnt from my dad...

  ...

i belajar word insecured nie bila beberapa bulan kahwin dgn hubby....dia byk mengajar i kenali org2 yg ada simpton2 insecured ...

seboleh mungkin, dgn kekuatan n ilmu yg i ada...i taknak anak2 i ada penyakit nie, sian kann

my-alja

semua org ada pengalaman begini kan, cemana nak ajar anak bila dia gagal..


If you take a math class, and the entire room receives a blanket 揂

hanna1905

wakaka...mmg takder related langsung pasal poser ngan konpiden tu alja..biasalah awal pagi i tulis...otak pun beku lagi tak mcm u sentiasa berjalan jerkk..

psl reward ni pun ada kena mengena dgn self worth takk..?

i tgk oprah...(oprah lagi...kikiki...) ada kisah anak si Donald Trump, me so envy tgk cara dia bercakap..nampak sungguh confident dan dia tahu apa yg dia nak dan tahu apa yg dia ckp..

yg me lagi dok terpk mcmana si Trump ni didik anak2 dia..berjaya bukan sbb dia anak donald trump tapi berjaya dgn usaha dia sendiri..

hanna1905

my doter yg sorang tu pun mcm ni juga exam arab n agama dpt 54% tapi bangga tu cerita kat kitaorg kawan dia yg lain dpt 100%..

dia sket tak heran pun yg dia dpt markah mcm tu..

i tanya dia tak jealous ke tgk kawan dpt 100%, selamba dia jawab... "ala..mmg patut pun kakak dpt 54% sbb kakak tak belajar betul2.."

tak tau nak kata apa..

my-alja

u nie tak FOKUS tu saja  .....
lepas tu byk sgt attitude "tak kisah" ....wakakakka

reward n self-worth?...tu sebab i duk citer nie, u feel self-esteem when u get the reward...sesetangah org keje sebab nak gaji, faktor gaji saja yg buat dia rajin pi ofis....sebab benefit company utk family yg byk, dia pergi ofis...keje sebab family, keje sebab duit, keje sebab bonus ....org camni takkan buat keje2 lebih masa utk company atas alasan ..."aku keje teruk2 pun gaji sama saja"(ramai org cerdik pandai ada attitude camni)....."aku keje sampai malam pun,co. bonus sama saja dgn org lain".....faktor yg buat dia seronok bekerja hanya faktor luaran iaitu DUIT!...

memang tak salah pun, tapi org camni akan mula merungut sana-sini once gaji dia tak cukup.....faktor luaran yg buat dia gembira tu terlalu fragile, after all....mana duit pernah cukup kann

my-alja

hahahah....anak u sedar diri

dia paham konsep, u get what u deserve....

my-alja

calling for hotlips....

hot...hang tambah laa, konsep kesyukuran dlm memantapkan keperibadian anak2....

i dah ikut saranan deli dlm nie, berdoa supaya anak2 ada sifat kesyukuran dlm diri mereka....

my-alja

case study


Brian grew up the oldest child in a poor family. His alcoholic father left at an early age. His mother loved her children, but she struggled with her own problems. Brian felt that the other kids looked down on him for being poor and having so many family problems. As a child, he wished that he could have a "normal" family and money to buy the nice things other kids had. Most of all, he hated being looked down on as less than others.

Brian believed that to be worthwhile he had to fulfill a certain image. His image of a minimally ok person was to be rich and successful in his career, to have a happy marriage and family, and above all to have "class." Having class meant having fine cars, a big house, expensive art, and other symbols of status. Having class meant knowing what to wear and what to say; and having class especially meant being accepted by the right people.

However, growing up, Brian did not do well in school or sports and was not popular with his peers. Therefore, he thought of himself as a not ok person who was destined to fail at whatever he did. He suspected that he had some deep inadequacy inside that kept him "in the gutter," but he avoided dealing with these fears. These beliefs became a self-fulfilling prophesy. He quit trying to be a success and hung out with people he secretly thought were losers. He set easy goals--such as minimal education and low-paying jobs. Brian often felt depressed and angry about his life and the future. He was in a vicious cycle of low self-worth, low goals, underachievement, and depression.

Then Brian got a job in an electronics store--where a lot of good things happened. He got interested in the electronics business. The store owner praised him for his hard work and showed confidence in him. Brian decided to change his life, "I was sick of being a failure and set a goal to become a successful electronics businessman." He went back to school and studied hard. He made good grades and kept learning the electronics business. He started his own computer business and made lots of money.

His increased success and income increased his confidence with people. He had had a crush on Carol since high school, but had always thought of her as being out of his class. He lavished her with attention, flowers, gifts, exciting experiences, and promises of leading an idyllic life. He learned everything he could to present himself as a man with class.
She fell in love with him, they married, and they had three children. He bought a beautiful home, drove expensive cars, and bought only the best of everything. He showered her and his children with the best of everything that money could buy. Most people who met him were impressed by his success.

Brian began to see himself as a success and began to think that his success was proof that he was as good or better than other people. He loved to compare himself to former high school classmates who were not nearly so "successful."
Was Brian happy? His answer was, "I have everything a man could have to be happy. If I'm not happy, then I feel sorry for all the poor people in the world. Seriously, I'm not sure if I'm happy or not. Sometimes I feel like keeping this life style and image up is a burden and a lot of stress. Sometimes I'm not sure I know what I want in life. Maybe being happy is too much to expect."
Inside, he kept asking himself, "Why aren't I happier, when I have everything I want?" One thing that really bugged Brian was that his brother had been far less successful in his career, but seemed much happier.

Others thought of Brian as somewhat self-centered and dominating. Many thought he had an inflated view of himself, was ill-tempered, and only cared about success and acquiring the symbols of success. His wife Carol had been initially impressed by his ambition and strength. She liked the lifestyle that money had brought them and their children. But, his total focus on success, his neglect of her, and his frequent dominating manner had gradually driven a wedge between them. She kept telling him, "Our romance and intimacy are disappearing. You never listen to anything that deals with emotions."

What lessons did Brian need to learn? First, his happiness was not dependent upon his career success. Brian had not been happy as a failure or as a success. Either way, he feared failure and being looked down on by others. These fears were his worst nightmares and his frequent companions--despite all his money. He had never faced those fears.
He also kept raising his self-expectations to higher and higher levels. He was no longer "ok" if he was as successful as his high school classmates. Now, he had to be as successful as the multimillionaire who lived nearby in even bigger homes than his. He felt inadequate to them. Now, he had to prove that he was as good as they were, by working even harder and taking more risks. With the increased risks came increased stress.

Basically, Brian was never happy just being Brian. He never learned to love himself unconditionally. He always had to achieve something more before he could be happy. He never had enough success to prove that he was a "minimally ok human being." Consequently, he never believed that anyone--including his wife--could really love him exactly as he was right then. He thought he had to buy her love or show her that he was more successful than other men.


are we in the same boat
case studi nie sgt sesuai utk mengambarkan msayarakat kita sekarang nie...

i paste dr board ideas

HOTlips

alamak!! Sejak habis upsr ni otak beku da!!!   Tambahan computer anak2 conquer. Sebagai janji upah penat lelah belajar.

Ni ku cilok sat sementara suruh depa pi basuh kasut. Semlm hujan. Dah dekat zohor kasut tak basuh2 lagik.

btw, nanti mlm2 ku buat karangan. hu hu...

HOTlips

Salam all.
Wokeh, lets talk about bersyukur. Me nak ambik dr sudut agama ek. Dlm Quran byk ayat2 yg menyuruh kita bersyukur.

Luqman Hakim menasihati anaknya spt berikut:
Luqman 12: Dan sesungguhnya telah Kami berikan hikmat kepada Luqman, yaitu: "Bersyukurlah kepada Allah. Dan barangsiapa yang bersyukur (kepada Allah), maka sesungguhnya ia bersyukur untuk dirinya sendiri; dan barangsiapa yang tidak bersyukur, maka sesungguhnya Allah Maha Kaya lagi Maha Terpuji"

Dlm surah Ibrahim 7. Dan (ingatlah juga), tatkala Tuhanmu memaklumkan; "Sesungguhnya jika kamu bersyukur, pasti Kami akan menambah (nikmat) kepadamu, dan jika kamu mengingkari (nikmat-Ku), maka sesungguhnya azab-Ku sangat pedih."

Dan dlm Ali Imran 145. .... Dan kami akan memberi balasan kepada orang-orang yang bersyukur.

Cuba fahamkan surah Ibrahim Ali Imran 145 ini. Org yg bersyukur akan ditambah nikmat dan balasan. Sebenarnya bersyukur memberi kita energi positif, damai dan tenang. Bersyukur akan memberikan kita kekuatan untuk maju dan mencapai impian kita dan mengaktifkan Law of Attraction (LOA) dalam diri kita.

Syukur merupakan kualiti hati yang terpenting. Dengan bersyukur kita akan senantiasa diliputi rasa damai, tenteram dan bahagia. Sebaliknya, perasaan tak bersyukur akan senantiasa membebani kita. Kita akan selalu merasa kurang dan tak bahagia

HOTlips

Well, talking about doa, yes i agree with  Deli. Berdoalah spy diberikan rasa bersyukur dlm diri kita dan anak2. Selalunya kita berdoa dgn cara meminta2 kpdNya , Dia Maha Tahu, semua yang kita inginkan, Dia lebih dulu mengetahuinya sebelum kita memanjatkan Doa 搈eminta

HOTlips

Me petik kata2 hikmat dr satu blog:
Bersyukurlah. .. Bersyukurlah bila kamu belum memiliki segala sesuatu yang kamu inginkan ..
Seandainya sudah, apalagi yang harus diinginkan?
Bersyukurlah apabila kamu tidak tahu tentang sesuatu kerana itu memberimu kesempatan untuk belajar..
Bersyukurlah untuk masa - masa yang sulit..
Di masa itulah kamu tumbuh

HOTlips

Wokeh, last but not least. Fahami this good old  Chinese wisdom!

Cracked Pot Inspirational Story                       

A water bearer in China had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried
across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect
and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the
master's house.  The cracked pot arrived only half full.
        
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.
        
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
        
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."
        

        Why?" asked the bearer.        
        
        "What are you ashamed of?"
        
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to  your master's house.
        
Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
        
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
        
Indeed, as they went up the  hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming thebeautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some.


But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked  outhalf its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.


The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were  flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side?
That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side ofthe path, and every day while we walk back from the stream you'vewatered them.


For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.

Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots.


But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. There is a lot of good out there.



There is a lot of good in us!


Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

        

        

        Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life!

        

my-alja

mana dong....

my-alja

ok...gud one hotlips, thanks....

tertarik hari dgn citer pot tu....kita mak/ayah kena belajar ilmu uncoditional love dgn anak2...baru dia rasa kita sayang dia sebab siapa DIRI nya bukan sebab apa yg dia jadi bila besar nanti...

my-alja

apa yg datang pd pikiran i masa baca tulisan hot nie....cemana nak imbangkan perilaku kesyukuran dgn kita kena berusaha cam nak hidup 1000 thn....paham tak hot...

dlm islam selalu sebut perkataan zuhud, cemana nak suruh anak2 kita berhati besar tanpa mencalarkan sifat zuhud dlm diri manusia...

kita nak bina self-worth dia tanpa, jadikan dia laid back kat kerusi malas....

my-alja

Originally posted by HOTlips at 21-9-2008 12:10 PM
Sebagai contoh, anak2 membandingkan kehidupan mereka dgn kawan2 yg kaya, yg selalu dpt apa kemahuan mereka. Dibelikan permainan yg hebat2. Dibawa berjalan ke luar negara dsbnya. Mereka mengeluh. Di sinilah kita memainkan peranan utk memujuk hati mereka. Pendekatan me, me lebih suka membuat perbandingan dgn org yg lebih "bawah" atau lebih malang spy anak2 nampak "kelebihan" mereka dan bersyukur dgn apa yg mereka miliki.

...

rite....benda yg selalu i buat dgn my son, bila dia mula komplen lauk hari nie "simple"...berjela-jela i citer org susah kat afrika yg makan tepung aje....kalo ade dokumentari, i panggil dia tgk sendiri...

kekadang utk org2 tua cam kita nie pun sama gak caranya, agak2 over sket ...mulalah kena pull ourselves down on the grown....roda kehidupan nie berputar-putar, masa kat atas...jgn lupa bila kat bawah....peringatan utk diri sendiri