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Who should make the first move?
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Who should make the first move? 
DOES it really matter whether it is the guy or girl who makes the first move? Have we not come a long way that the social responsibility of initiating a date is not necessarily the guy’s?
One would think that in a day and age where equality is considered the “e” word, it would not be such a big deal if the woman asks the guy out. Or would it?
In this week’s The Star Online survey, we asked our readers — should a woman wait for the man to ask her out?
Should the woman make the first move? or the third option, do not do anything and enjoy your single life — 47% (2,077 respondents) said the man should make the first move. Out of 4,376 respondents, 1,427 (33%) said the woman should ask first.
A total of 872 respondents (20%) chose the third option of remaining single.
It is quite obvious that in the current dating world (online and offline), it is getting more complicated as to who should make the first move.
Why do these stereotypical roles still remain in society? Could it be because the woman might be seen as “easy” if she explicitly expresses her interest? Maybe it is also the fear of rejection and risking judgment from the guys too.
Respondents from 81 countries participated in this survey, the top five being Malaysia, Singapore, United States, Australia and United Kingdom.
We took the results of the survey to our Facebook followers to gauge their views on whether the onus still remained with the men to make the first move. *Names have been changed.
“Classic chivalry is nice,” said Julia Jamil, a working mother of three, who still preferred that guys make the initiative.
“The pressure is still on men to ask the ladies out because maybe we still live in a patriarchal society when it comes to romance? Personally, I’m just old-fashion that way,” said Lim Lu See.
Ariana Aziz said it was better that the guy did the initiating because it could be embarrassing for the girl if she got rejected.
The men, on the other hand, had no qualms if the women asked the guys out. Some in fact find this to be an attractive proposition.
“I would be very happy if a woman asked me out. However, Malaysian society is still quite conservative and men are still expected to make the first move,” said Ben Tan.
Baldesh Gill said there was nothing wrong if the woman asked first. “In this day and age, women are equal and a woman who knows what she wants is a major turn-on for me.”
Gerry Lim said a woman who knows what and who she wants and who works towards achieving her goals earns his respect.
“If you like someone, tell them, of course by leveraging some level of probability of success. Why wait for us?” added Lim.
“No one likes rejection, both men and women, but women are doing themselves a disservice if they rely solely on a man to make the first move,” said Briton James Smith.
Last edited by ifanonline on 13-12-2013 04:42 PM
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what say u guys/gals? |
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both are able to start first....ladies...plz start first |
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pakwetizzaqyah posted on 13-12-2013 04:57 PM 
both are able to start first....ladies...plz start first
org pompuan ni, bab lain semua nak advance, moden...bab nak bercinta ni kunun nak tradisional, old style...entah haper2 la org pompuan ni... |
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ifanonline posted on 13-12-2013 05:00 PM
org pompuan ni, bab lain semua nak advance, moden...bab nak bercinta ni kunun nak tradisional, old ...
aku sebagai lelaki...tah..tak pandang hina pun pompuan start dulu...mungkin tradisinya malu kene reject kot... apasal tk reti nk anggap dah tk de jodoh... kalau mmbe clash boleh pulak bg nasihat "da tk de jodoh" hahahahahhaa
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pakwetizzaqyah posted on 13-12-2013 05:02 PM
aku sebagai lelaki...tah..tak pandang hina pun pompuan start dulu...mungkin tradisinya malu kene r ...
kita tengok pendapat2 forumer wanita di sini...
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“The pressure is still on men to ask the ladies out because maybe we still live in a patriarchal society when it comes to romance? Personally, I’m just old-fashion that way,” said Lim Lu See.
Ariana Aziz said it was better that the guy did the initiating because it could be embarrassing for the girl if she got rejected.
adakah pompuan ingat lelaki tak tahu malu? |
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Boleh kata penah buat 1st move tapi dapat muka sombong pastu bila dia bersalah, dok tersengih kat i.
Suka hati laa. |
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I used to make first move. But it was a bold one. So it came more like a shock to him lah. But it was an interesting experience lah. Zaman muda kan. Hihi
But for me, kalau nak buat first move, you must be friends with him first. But be a flirty/funny one. Ask him about his love life - ada gf ke tak, kalau takde kenapa takde. Bg hint sikit sikit and show that you care.
Lama-lama sangkut lah. Haha |
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pakwetizzaqyah posted on 13-12-2013 05:02 PM
aku sebagai lelaki...tah..tak pandang hina pun pompuan start dulu...mungkin tradisinya malu kene r ...
im about to ask the same....
ape perasaan lelaki kalau perempuan yg mula tegur dulu utk berkenalan etc.
seriously, aku sbg perempuan kdg2 nak jugak make a fist move...
tp aku takut.. nnt akan ada dlm fikiran lelaki mcm ni...
'makaihh pompuan ni dah tedesak sgt kot... tak laku ke' atau
'eeww.. morahnye pompuan nehh..'
itu yg membuatkan aku takut nak memulakan pekenalan dgn lelaki
atau in a worse case scenario, nnt bile dah kenal... dah rasa x ngam, gado ke ape
lelaki akn kluar ayat mcm ni...
'hang yg terhegeh2 tergedik2 nak kat aku dulu... padan la muka hang.. bukan aku yg p carik hang'
serious aku risau jd mcm ni... so aku rela tggu lelaki yg mulakan langkah pertama...
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nidzrain posted on 15-12-2013 12:05 PM
im about to ask the same....
ape perasaan lelaki kalau perempuan yg mula tegur dulu utk berkena ...
bergantung la..sesetengah jantan..tk kisah pompuan yg first move...dah pengalaman dia tk laku je kalau first move..mungkin dia dah muhasabah diri dan let the lady first...tk pun jantan tu pemalu..mcm aku...hhaaaaa
tk salahkan pompuan kalau ada anggapan takut dilablel tehegeh2...lg bahaya kalau tehegeh2 rupenye mmg peramah..tk pasal2 laki tu jatuh cinta diakhiri kekecewaan sebb tk tau nk tele perangai pompuan ni..sama ada ada maksud lain ataupun mmg perangai dia peramah tk tentu arah..atau pun saje main2 taste market...takut nnti backfired plak awek2 ni... biasala..pompuan pun takut..kalau kene reject..nnti kurang self esteem plak...bak kata ustazah2 maskara kat sini..baik kene reject daripada putus cinta..tu Allah nk bg yg terbaik bla bla bla.. hahahahaha
kalau betul serius nk..apasalahnya girl start dulu..sbb girl kan lebih cepat matang..kan??..dan boleh tengok sama ada lelaki tu pemalu ke hape ke..ade makwe ke tak de makwe ke..
in addition sis..zaman skarang ni...awek2 sme dah ramai dah dikebas..dan cepat je dah ada pakwe..kadang2 gaya mcm single dan market kekonon available..tp tengok dah bepunya..lg kesian la kat cik abang2 yg mncarik2 tu...makin malas la diorang nk start first step ngn makwe2 sme..
mcm aku..kalau tengok pompuan tu.baya2 aku..dah bersarung jari ngn cincin2..cepat2 je aku buat dek..malas layan lebih2..karang aku yg tegila hakmilik orng plak.. hahaha
sama je la..laki ngn pompuan dua2 wajar start dulu la..asalkan tk de niat main2 taste market...tak baik kecewakan perasaan orng..
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pakwetizzaqyah posted on 15-12-2013 01:33 PM
bergantung la..sesetengah jantan..tk kisah pompuan yg first move...dah pengalaman dia tk laku je k ...
ye lah.. manusia ni berbeza pendapatkan....
mcm kau kate x ksh pn kalau pompuan yg make a fist move kan.
mungkin kau bukan jenis yg senang jatuh hukum atau mcm kau ckp kau seorg yg pemalu kan
tp aku sendiri lah, kenapa aku x mula kan dulu sbb rasanya aku takut dgn lelaki.
walaupon aku mendamba kn seorg lelaki skrg ni. haha
aku takut bila aku yg mulakan dulu, lelaki akan ambek kesempatan.
sblm ni pn aku x penah mulakan apa2 tetap aku kene dgn lelaki
so kalau aku plak yg mulakan, x mustahil aku akan kene jugak kan?
ke mcm mane? haha. pening jap aku
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nidzrain posted on 15-12-2013 01:59 PM
ye lah.. manusia ni berbeza pendapatkan....
mcm kau kate x ksh pn kalau pompuan yg make a fist ...
hahaha..isu sis skang ni self security...
kalau larat tunggu lelaki mulakan..teruskan..mcm aku plak...bermusim..skejap aku try..skejap aku fed up aku buat tk tau je ngn pompuan ni..dan skang pulak..aku mood malas nk fikir dah..hehe..aku muda lg tk pe sngt la...
kalau ada nampak yg betul2 ok dan berkenan tu...dan dia pun nampak mcm single je...cuba2 la sis tanya...daripada menunggu bulan yg belum tentu jatuh ke riba..
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tiramisuu posted on 15-12-2013 01:52 PM
utk berkenalan aku rasa x kisah utk lelaki pendiam..aku pernah stat dulu bersembang dgn lelaki pen ...
tp ada kemungkinan kan kalau kita approach dulu, nnt dorg igt kita syok kat dorg...
walaupon sbnrnya niat kita tu nak berkwn je... bukan nak buat laki bagai...
huaaa... ke aku ni dah fobia sgt ngn laki nih..... 
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pakwetizzaqyah posted on 15-12-2013 02:04 PM
hahaha..isu sis skang ni self security...
kalau larat tunggu lelaki mulakan..teruskan..mcm aku ...
mungkinlah aku ni pon bermusim jugak mcm kau...
kalau tgh mood ok tu aku x ksh je nak bergurau senda ke ape dgn org yg aku blm kenal....
kalau x, mmg org approach aku pn aku x lyn... errrkkkk
sbnrnya mmg dah xlrt nk tggu bulan jatuh keriba nih.. 
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nidzrain posted on 15-12-2013 02:04 PM
tp ada kemungkinan kan kalau kita approach dulu, nnt dorg igt kita syok kat dorg...
walaupon sbnr ...
depends pada atitude laki tu and attitude ko..
Last edited by tiramisuu on 16-12-2013 08:31 AM
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kawan pompuan aku,Na kat matriks dulu minat kat sorang laki ni,nama dia Abang.
satu hari kat library dia tengok abang tengah baca buku sorang2.Na ni jenis pun jenis friendly and taktau malu so dia gi approach Abang..tapi Abang tu buat tak layan!aku tengok kawan aku beriye sembang,Abang tu cakap sikit2 sambil pandang buku,langsung tak pandang muka kawan aku!1Kuang ajar!
kalo tak suka pun tak payah la kuang ajar sangat kot..dah la tak hensem..mentang2 la kawan aku tu pun bukan kategori cun.. |
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Category: Cinta & Perhubungan
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Post time 13-12-2013 04:41 PM
变色卡
Author
cam sorg forumer ckp..ko kena kawan dulu baru leh bagi hint ko minat dia.since masa berkawan ko akan dapat hint samada ko di friendzone or jadi teman tapi mesra
duk kalut2 ada plak org nk ajak menyembang
actually kalau kita sembang, kita boleh pasan dah kalau org tu berminat nk sembang ke tak..tapi x pela..kawan ko jenis tak tahu malu..mebi dia dah lupa adengan tu
