self-esteem vs self-worth

my-alja

salam

pada sesapa yg berminat ....korang terfikir tak apa yg kita duk sogokkan pd anak kita sekarang semuanya utk mereka rasa "seronok menjadi diri sendiri" dgn pra-syarat ....

pernah tak korang terfikir, bagaimana nak anak2 seronok jadi diri mereka tanpa ada pra-syarat...cam kena dapat straight A's dlm exam, kena jadi pidato terbaik, pelajar terbaik dlm negara...

apa beza anak2 yg dapat carik keseronokkan diri mereka drp faktor luaran dan dalaman?....apa kesannya dlm jangkapanjang pd emosi seorang manusia...

anak2 mendapat sumber self-esteem...tipikal m'sian style thru sekolah, kalo dia takleh perform kat sekolah..self-esteem dia merana, how to feel gud abt urself if u can't impress others with ur abilty to remember and throw out during exam and score straight A's...dan perjalanan nie ada ups and downs thru ur entire life....bila dapat markah baik, self-esteem tinggi...kalo markah turun, self-esteem low

thru my reading recently, i carik solution for myself and anak2 to feel gud without external factors.....duduk rumah besar, kete mahal, baju designer, kasut prada, jam omega...anything lah on paris streets to make u feel gud.....i rasakan, ilmu nie antara yg terbaik utk kita berikan pd anak2 selama kita membesarkan mereka...

sesapa yg sudi berkongsi, silakan....

my-alja

...petikan artikel

I was raised to assess my worth by things like income, the kind of car I drive, my home, my clothes, and other materialist factors. Our consumer culture does a good job of keeping these values foremost in our consciousness. By all of these standards, I am not a very successful human being, and I'm a lousy excuse for a man.

I still struggle with some of these beliefs. I have subpersonalities who are tied to looking good (which is fine unless self-worth is tied to that feeling), to having nice things (not because I enjoy them, but so that others know I have them), to keeping up with the Joneses, and other idiotic 50's era ways of measuring self-worth. They still have the power -- if I am not observant and mindful -- to makle me feel bad about myself.

Isolating those voices in my head and becoming aware of them through attention and mindfulness has done a lot to reduce their power over me. It's important to remember, however, that those voices developed to protect me from feeling ashamed as a child or young adult, from being made fun of. Those voices do not desire to hurt me, but rather to protect me. It is simply true that they are no longer appropriate in my life. They are self-preservation tools from previous developmental stages.

If I had been taught from the beginning to find my worth in my uniqueness as a person, in my individuality and my connections with other people, those voices may never have been so strong or so central in my psyche.

Maybe as we learn these hard lessons, future generations can avoid this particular pathology in their development.


sesapa yg berminat lawat

http://integral-options.blogspot.com/2006/07/self-esteem-vs-self-worth.html

my-alja

Definition of Self-Worth
Many define self-worth as how valuable one thinks one is.  But this is neither a true nor accurate definition of self worth.  Rather, self-worth is an unconditional feeling of worthiness and value.
Self-worth is a gift that is accessible to all.  The trick is whether or not we allow ourselves to think we are worthy or allow ourselves to feel worthy.
In truth, everyone is valuable beyond measure.  Indeed, self-worth is unconditional and ever-present and available to all.
Yet many people suffer from a sense of low self-worth, which can, in turn, lead to low self-esteem.


Causes of Low Self-Worth
The causes of low self-worth are many, but one of the most common is when an individual ties their personal worth to their successes and achievements.  This is an external definition of one's worth and will vary in relation to external circumstances, often resulting in a loss of self-worth when goals are not met.  This is also a false notion of self-worth, as true self-worth is on the inside and ever-present and free from all conditions.


How to Improve Self-Worth
Improving self-worth in kids (and anyone else really) is very straightforward.  One must shift their perceived worth from an external scale based on accomplishments to an unconditional internal scale of worthiness.  
Basically, improved self worth boils down to the belief that one is valuable simply because, period.  No more and no less.
If you know a kid (or anyone else) who suffers from low self-worth, try this:

Sit together without distraction, very gently and as lovingly as you can look the person in the eye and tell her:

"You are valuable in every single way EXACTLY as you are, right now."  

Say it, and say it, and say it again, until you are certain that on some level the words have sunk in.  Then, say it one more time so that you both feeeeeeel it deep inside.  

(Individuals can use this process by speaking the words to themselves in the reflection of a mirror.  This is a very powerful experience!)

Cord of Worthiness
Remember, self-worth is an unconditional feeling of worthiness and value; one that is inside of everyone and that simply needs to be called forth.  Improving self-worth is as simple as calling forth that cord of worthiness that runs through each and everyone of us.
Call forth that worthiness today and everyday using the simple process outlined above.  Improved self-worth really is that simple.

To unconditional worthiness and improved self-esteem...

[ Last edited by  my-alja at 8-9-2008 07:03 AM ]

my-alja

keinginan utk dihormati dan disenangi adalah fitrah manusia...
cuma dlm mendapat kehormatan dan kesenangan tu...cara kita selama nie tak berapa betul...

anak i selalu tanya, kalo dia dapat 100 dlm exam paper dia....umi happy tak sebab dia pandai?...i angguk tapi i rasa cam ada satu perasaan yg tak sedap bila mengiyakan jawapan dia....so, i talked to myself...it wasn't the paper that make me happy abt him....i treasured him as an unique individu and that makes me happy....

teringat plak pasal phrase "unconditional love" yg famous amos tu....cemana nak didik hati mak2 yg penuh dgn pengharapan pada anak2...utk terima mereka seadanya supaya anak2 kita rasa kita sebagai parents sayang dia tanpa syarat...

byk mak2 lebihkan anak yg ini lebih dr yg itu disebabkan kerjaya anak2...kekayaan anak2, title anak2,....padanlah dunia kita sekarang penuh dgn masyarakat yg lebih pentingkan "what you have than who you are".....sana-sini dunia sgt material esp tanah air malaya....

penat kann

[ Last edited by  my-alja at 8-9-2008 07:28 AM ]

my-alja

Practical Ideas for Parents


In an Ensign article entitled "Helping Your Children Like Themselves," James Harris (1983) offered ten ways parents can help children understand their worth (p. 14). The following ideas are adapted from his list.

Teach children that they are divine spirits who have the potential to become like their Father in Heaven. Frequently remind children of their divine nature and divine potential. Teach them that their Heavenly Father loves them and will never leave them alone. Help them to come to this knowledge for themselves through prayer and scripture study.

Be positive and optimistic when children make mistakes; avoid dwelling on their weaknesses. How a parent reacts to difficult situations can have a great impact on a child抯 feelings of worth. When your children make mistakes, minimize them as appropriate and help them move on quickly. Give sincere and positive feedback. When parents accept children and encourage them, children develop confidence.

Understand each child and adapt your teaching style accordingly. Each child has different strengths, weaknesses, and needs. Know your child well so you can adapt your parenting to his or her individual personality. Avoid comparing children with their siblings. Be interested in each child抯 life, supporting his or her goals and desires. Sister Michaelene P. Grassli (1994), former general president of the Primary, said:

We need to discover who our children really are. We need to know what interests them, what worries them, and what they would do if they had their fondest dreams come true. Nearly always, their fondest dreams are wonderful. We can let children be their own selves and not expect them to be reproductions of their parents. Give them varied experiences so they can discover what interests them, and then encourage these interests and talents梕ven if they are not the same as yours. (p. 62)

Teach children correct principles, but give them room to learn and grow by encouraging them to do things on their own. Parents should not do everything for their children. When parents allow children to do things on their own or work with them side-by-side as they learn, children develop maturity and confidence. Once you抳e taught as best you can, let your children practice on their own what you抳e taught.

Help your child develop self-worth by learning to serve others. Teach children the importance of serving others. Help them recognize the good feelings they experience when they help someone else. A deep sense of self-worth and confidence can develop when we selflessly give to others. Even very young children can come to realize their important role in blessing the lives of others.

Spend as much time with your children as you can. The best gift you can give your children is yourself. Spend time alone with each child. Enjoy an activity together or just sit and talk. This one-on-one time helps your child feel important and loved. It also helps you maintain closeness, which is so important to a child抯 development and sense of self.

Teach your children how to work. Children who know how to work hard gain a strong sense of self-worth. They need you to fully what抯 expected of them and to show them by example. Work with them until they understand how to complete tasks. Don抰 expect them to understand your definition of "clean your room" without your showing them, not just telling them

Teach children to see the good in other people. Help children to realize that we are all brothers and sisters and we are all blessed with different strengths and weaknesses. When children say or do mean things to other people, it sometimes reflects the way they view themselves. It抯 easy to pick out weaknesses in others, but helping children build the habit of looking for the good in others helps them learn to see the good in themselves.

Teach children to respect themselves and not to dwell on their shortcomings. One of the best ways to teach self-respect despite shortcomings is to model this behavior yourself. When you admit your mistakes matter-of-factly, without berating yourself, and then do something to correct them, your children will learn to do the same. Everyone makes mistakes. They can be an important learning tool if we don抰 dwell on them but rather acknowledge them and then improve.

Speak and act in ways that sincerely express your love to your children. Sometimes words alone can be a powerful tool for fostering self-worth in your child. He or she needs to hear the words "I love you." Simple actions, too, such as a hug or kiss, communicate loving feelings. President Hinckley (1994) has said, "Children need sunlight. They need happiness. They need love and nurture. They need kindness and refreshment and affection. Every home, regardless of the cost of the house, can provide an environment of love which will be an environment of salvation" (p. 54).

[ Last edited by  my-alja at 8-9-2008 08:53 AM ]

hanna1905

anak ni terbentuk dgn melihat pada persekitaran dia dan yg paling utama pengaruh mak bapak tu..

like me, kadang2 tu terasa byk sgt kelemahan yg ada dlm diri ni nak mendidik anak2....takut la mana yg bad habit tu akan mempengaruhi anak2..

lagi satu mak ayah ni sendiri patutnya tak keliru antara kemahuan diri dan jugak kemahuan dan kebolehan anak itu sendiri..

out of topic ke tidak ni..?? rajinnya u paste article tu...hihihi..thanks anyway..

Elmina

To me yang paling penting is the confidence factor dlm child tu sendiri to stand tall with the rest.  That makes his/her self esteem & self worth directed to what he/she wants. Olympic game hari tu is the best example i explained to my boys, tengok mcmana China beat US in gold medal collection, best spirit diorang sampai game yg mat salleh conquer pun China ended up jadi champ ! So when a child hope for something, let he discovers it and for us to support he/she from behind to get he/she feels worth being himself/herself walaupun as parents kita punya dream kadang collide dgn diorang punya capability & direction.

my-alja

Originally posted by hanna1905 at 8-9-2008 11:59 PM
anak ni terbentuk dgn melihat pada persekitaran dia dan yg paling utama pengaruh mak bapak tu..

like me, kadang2 tu terasa byk sgt kelemahan yg ada dlm diri ni nak mendidik anak2....takut la m ...

nak citer pasal kelemahan nie hanna, the more u read..the more u lompang , so u are not alone dear...

i dah tepu dgn isu kecerdikkan anak2 saja, balik2 isu IQ saja yg jadi perhatian mak/ayah sekarang...padahal real factors to make them happy not only thru academic, rite....ramai sgt org cerdik pandai sekarang nie dikeliling kita tapi self-worth sangkut kat handbag...

i ada jumpa byk lagi artikel, kekekeke....

my-alja

Originally posted by Elmina at 9-9-2008 12:22 AM
To me yang paling penting is the confidence factor dlm child tu sendiri to stand tall with the rest.  That makes his/her self esteem & self worth directed to what he/she wants. Olympic game hari  ...

agreed, self-confidence is only factor to make them stand tall with others....
nak kupas isu self-confidence takes a lot of effort n time from us, as parents...
tu sebab i percaya, anak2 kena cukup basic needs and feel secure to make them happy...then baru kita masuk isu2 self-accepting to make them feel worth, whatever they do n who ever they are...

btw,  ....i like to watch cctv9

hanna1905

kalau cp psl isu confidence ni kan, i rasa it should be start from the parents, kalau dah parents ni nampak tak konfiden mcmana anak pun nak ada rasa konfiden..

menda yg simple contoh mcm skg puasa, ramai parents nak anaknya belajar berpuasa bab mcm ni la org pandang remehkan...sbb nakkan anaknya puasa penuh di sogok dgn janji2 atau ganjaran supaya anak tu boleh puasa penuh..

sorry kalau ada yg terasa tapi for me kan...dr situ dah tak betul caranya, dr kecik lagi dah di ajar apa u buat u dapat ganjaran...so i rasa secara tak langsung otak anak2 ni pun dah set mcm tu..

sbb itu kan i rasa di kalangan kita ni bila kerja bukan sbb demi tugas tu atau demi kepuasan sbb dapat buat sesuatu kerja tu tapi atas dasar nak dapat ganjaran atau pujian dr org lain..

err...masuk topik ke idak ni lagi...kekeke..

RedAlert

My doter ada complain hari tu, kawan2 kat sekolah suka gelakkan dia, kata dia buruk, tak nak kawan dengan dia, menjerit2 kat dia. Kesian jugak. Rasa nak pegi sekolah & marah jer budak2 tu. Sebab aku tengok macam tergugat jugak la self-esteem my doter. Dia kata seolah-olah she's the weird one at school.

Aku ada jugakla cakap, budak2 tu buat camtu sebab diaorang aware of her strengths and that they are jealous of that... What else can I say? Dalam hati ni tempted nak to say bad things about her friends but then I will be just like them. Last2 aku cakap kat dia supaya ignore jer kawan2 tu. It's not worth losing sleep over them & banyak benda lagi yang lebih bermakna dalam hidup (tapi susah jugak, yelah, dunia budak2 ni lebih 'luas' kat sekolah pada umur2 macam ni) ...and at home bila berkesempatan aku akan indirectly reinforce positive self worth.... puji dia bila dia achieve something or give support when the time is right.

[ Last edited by  RedAlert at 9-9-2008 09:32 AM ]

HOTlips

Menarik topik ni tp me malas nak fikir byk la ni. Fikiran x berapa tenang sebab anak sedang exam.

Cuma nak highlightkan tentang konsep bersyukur.

my-alja

Originally posted by hanna1905 at 9-9-2008 06:52 AM
kalau cp psl isu confidence ni kan, i rasa it should be start from the parents, kalau dah parents ni nampak tak konfiden mcmana anak pun nak ada rasa konfiden..

menda yg simple contoh mcm skg  ...

i rasa i nie nampak (nampak) konpiden ...tapi anak i, rasanya tak punnn

my view on issue kopiden nie simple, ....when u like who u are dan belajar nak sayang diri dan kenali kelebihan dan kekurangan diri...tak takut dgn diri sendiri, baru kita tak takut dgn dunia luar...

masalah timbul bila kita pun tak suka sapa diri kita, contoh anak2 tak terror math...dia rasa dia tak pandai, dia rasa dia takleh impress org lain....cemana konpiden tu nak datang?...be it lah mak dia PM atau canselor unibersiti....kalo anak tu tak suka sapa diri dia, i dun think ...aura mak tu boleh sampai ke dia...

pasal posa dgn ganjaran, frankly i tak nampak apa yg u cuba nak relate kan dgn isu konpiden...nie hanya pendapat peribadi k, maaf kalo ada org tak suka....psikologi anak2, dia lagi mudah paham perbuatan dia jika ada "cause n effect".....u buat baik, dapat pahala...where is pahala? i cannot feel n i cannot see?...my son asked me once
sama gak dgn pendekatan mak/ayah kita dedulu.....jgn bohong nanti berdosa, takleh masuk syurga....apa kesan pembohongan dr perbuatan tu, dia tak belajar?....yg nie kita terlepas pandang....tingkat2 reward manusia nie berubah mengikut kematangan dia, dan ganjaran duit pd perbuatan anak berpuasa adalah tingkat yg plg rendah dlm sistem reward manusia....for me, padanlah dgn usia anak2 tu.....ada gak mak/ayah bawak anak pi pasar ramadhan sebagai reward, boleh makan apa dia suka.....pun ganjaran gak dr perbuatan berpuasa, rasanya takde beza pun dgn yg bagi duit...
so for me, drp i bagi duit raya atau i benarkan dia beli bunga api tanpa bersebab.....jadi i cuma letak pra-syarat.....to make him motivated n he plan ahead with the money...

my-alja

Originally posted by RedAlert at 9-9-2008 09:30 AM
My doter ada complain hari tu, kawan2 kat sekolah suka gelakkan dia, kata dia buruk, tak nak kawan dengan dia, menjerit2 kat dia. Kesian jugak. Rasa nak pegi sekolah & marah jer budak2 tu. Sebab  ...

1st thing red, i rasa anak u nie people-oriented person...

kebanyakkan kes camni, anak2 pompuan yg mengalami....masalah peers group, my doter yg umur 3 thn tu pun dgn muka sedih ala-ala dlm drama, kata kat i..."skarf kakak far lagi cantik, skarf ummi lagi cantik drp dia punya"....a sign of, she does not like what she has

anak my fren balik sekolah, marah2 kat mak dia sebab letak nama dia cam lelaki ...sebab kena ejek dgn kawan2 kat sekolah, pendekatan mak nie agak agresif...dia ajar anak tu to defense herself, nama budak tu macam pastri...nama budak tu cam raja, tapi dia takde royal blood....wakakakkak ...

i rasa pendekatan yg baik cam u but tu, boost her self-esteem thru self-worth....
self-esteem = feeling gud abt urself
self-worth = accepting urself

self-esteem subset to self-worth, anak u takkan boleh capai self-esteem....kalo dia tak paham konsep self-worth, part nie u kena byk masa explore her feeling abt herself....u suruh dia byangkan dia, keluar dr fizikal dia...cemana cara dia fikir pasal diri dia sendiri...this's what i called deep conversation.....apa yg dia suka dan tak suka pasal personaliti dia, u highlite the strengths...
lepas tu nak panjangkan bebelan, u boleh masuk konsep kesyukuran (thanks hot)..konsep ketuhanan, konsep multiraces, multi, multi....to make her feel gud,and she is not weird...or if she is, GOOD weird sebab tuhan tak pernah salah bila buat hambanya...

my son alhamdullilah, takde masalah part nie....cuma i saja yg bermasalah nak paham dia...kekekke

my-alja

i paham ....padanlah lama tak nampak mac

gud luck k for ur son...

tina^^

bestnyer topic nie!

so sis, utk baby n toddler plak, how do we go abt it?? any suggestion?

my-alja

hang suruh depa tengok pocoyo dah laa dulu...masanya akan tiba, yang

my doter gelak sebijik cam pocoyo, i selalu gelak bila dia gelak

my-alja

Symptoms of Poor Self Worth


The individual who lacks self worth is most frequently shy. He is afraid of his peers, especially those of the opposite sex. He may be afraid to speak to his boss, in front of a group or to someone with more life experience. He's afraid they won't like him, that he'll say the wrong thing, or that no one would be interested in what he has to say. This individual evaluates himself and projects these evaluations onto others. He always evaluates himself badly.

The person with inferiority feelings frequently has a lot of repressed hostility

luv_ma

bagus thread alja ni.

Delifrance

at the moment... i'm pretty amazed with my children's ability to maintain their contentment in lives and to have low sense of inadequacy. exam arab dpt 56% pon muka happy je siap puji kawan2 yg dpt 90, 100... my daughter, since she has to go taska after her smart reader session, i suh pakai selipar je sebab nanti kat taska senang... she has no complaints at all eventhough other friends pakai proper shoes... i remember, i dulu mesti whining sana sini kalau tgk kawan2 ade apa2 and i tak ada...(maybe i was seeking for attention too back then).. she also likes to say this - "mama ni cantiklahhh... lagii cantik dr aidaa...eeii geram" - without any hint of jealousy? wah! this weird daughter of mine ( ) will be delivering a short speech on stage during her concert! ha ha ha..something that i would have trouble to do even when i was thrice her age. when someone laughs at her big lobang hidung- dia lagi kembang kempiskan hidung dia siap bulatkan biji mata! dia ni just plain insensitive ke mmg weird aahh?

i guess they'll be contented when they know they are loved.. and when they can be sure that the love they are getting is unconditional

example from parents is important too.. when they see that their parents are contented with their lives despite  the existence of dissatisfactions and inevitable obstacles,  they tend to follow suit...I THINK

one thing that we should not forget to include in our prayers - may our kids become insan yg bersyukur - aprt from other request, jgn mintak jadi pandai , kaya, cemerlang, terbilang je kan kan kan (pesanan utk diri sendiri supaya lebihkan berdoa))

[ Last edited by  Delifrance at 10-9-2008 09:59 AM ]