laki jadik curang sbb sex addiction!!!
Monday May 17, 2010His cheating heartStories by S.S. YOGAIs sex addiction a medical condition or a convenient excuse for a philandering spouse?
WHEN celebrities are exposed for their sexual shenanigans, and as part of the damage control exercise to redeem themselves in the public’s eye, the way to go usually involves “sex rehab”.
Think Tiger Woods, Ashley Cole, Jesse James. Caught with their pants down and no way out, and desperate to save their image as well as their marriage, they would plead that what they had done was beyond their control, that they needed therapy. They need help for their sex addiction – that is their mantra.
http://thestar.com.my/archives/2010/5/17/lifefocus/f_pg02vienna.jpg Fantasy vs reality: Visitors to a swingers club in Vienna are given the chance to act out their sexual fantasies in leather and latex. Sex addicts in the Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado, the United States, are encouraged to disclose the full range of their behaviour to their partner.
The jury’s still out though if “sex addiction” is actually a medical condition. (See stories on P3.) That aside, what goes on in a sex rehab centre? Details so far have been sketchy and fuzzy.
Hollywood Life quoted a recovering “sex addict” who reported that during a typical six-week stay, patients sign a celibacy vow and must abstain from masturbation. They are also forbidden to bring along or use any computers or mobile phones. Presumably that’s a measure introduced to stop patients from slobbering over porn or indulging in online sex chats.
There’s also “Disclosure Day” when the patient has to tell his wife about all his affairs and every indiscretion he had committed.
In a Time.com report, Dr Douglas Weiss, executive director of the Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado, the United States, said addicts were encouraged to disclose the full range of their behaviour to their partner when confronting their distortions of reality in the second stage of treatment.
“Recovery is a three-legged stool for a couple – his recovery, her recovery and healing, and then the marriage recovery,” noted Dr Weiss, who claimed that his 20-year addiction to sex was now a thing of the past.
The duration of rehab varies from two-week outpatient seminars to inpatient clinics that involve stays of up to six weeks.
Treatment – to address both the addiction and its underlying causes – covers a mix of one-on-one sessions, group therapy (including art therapy) and family counselling, with addicts and their partners encouraged to participate in supplemental 12-step programmes. (See saa-recovery.org/ for a sample of one programme; there are variations used by other organisations all modelled on the original constructed by Alcoholics Anonymous.)
According to Rob Weiss, founder and executive director of the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles, the first stage of treatment involves a full evaluation of a patient’s history and any past trauma. Weiss claimed that all the men he had worked with experienced some form of abuse or neglect in childhood. The resultant sexual, physical or emotional trauma needs to be addressed before the patient can be freed of his “addiction”.
In the second stage, the patient is confronted with his distorted view of reality. Hard questions are put to them, that might seem shameful but are meant to force them to understand what really happened.
“We may not stop the behaviour, but we’re going to ruin it for you,” said Weiss.
The final stage requires relapse prevention − triggers of the addictive behaviour are identified and ways to avoid it examined. For one patient, Brian McGinness, who was addicted to porn in the first nine years of his marriage, this meant supervision by members of his church and a neighbourhood friend.They acted as “accountability partners” who monitored his Internet usage; with that, he has been “sober” for the past four years.
Does it work?
No one in their right mind believes that “sexual addiction” can go away with just weeks of rehab. So at Heart to Heart, clients are encouraged to come back for annual polygraphs to test their sobriety.
According to Maureen Canning, a clinical consultant at Meadows Addiction Treatment Center in Arizona, simply working through the “addiction” could take two to five years of therapy, enhanced by 12-step programmes for both partners; working through related trauma could take a lifetime.
Benoit Denizet-Lewis (who has been treated for sex addiction himself), author of America Anonymous: Eight Addicts In Search Of A Life, says sex addiction is not about remaining abstinent for the rest of your life. “It is about learning to have sex in a way that makes you happy again.”
Going into rehab is not just for anyone. According to a 2008 BBC report, for a typical 35-day stay, it would set someone back by £20,000 (RM107,500 in 2008). So for those with no money in the bank, the best bet (for those in the United States) is to give one of those organisations like Sexaholic Anonymous and its 12-step programmes a try.
The demystifying of “sex addiction” and sex rehab has been taken to new levels, with reality TV even getting into the picture. There is a show called Sex Rehab With Dr Drew in which participants live in a facility for 21 days. Viewers are shown “actual” therapy sessions with the participants, handled mainly by Dr Drew Pinsky who claims to be an addiction specialist. Dr Pinsky has even gone on The Oprah Winfrey Show to publicise his work.
http://thestar.com.my/archives/2010/5/17/lifefocus/f_pg02trade.jpg Engaging the services of sex workers is one of the tell-tale signs that someone is addicted to sex.
Does rehab really work? Dr Petra Boynton, a British psychologist and university lecturer, said via e-mail that many centres had not evaluated their practice nor made it clear what kind of therapy they offer. So it is unclear what happens within different therapy settings.
“Once patients return home, different therapeutic approaches make different demands on them − some stipulate no masturbation, others allow it but only with a partner. Some forbid any sexual stimulation aside from sex with a spouse. Some require continued therapy for clients and their partner, others insist on lie detector tests,” added Dr Boynton.
She questioned the effectiveness of such treatment for patients and their partners as little is known of the results.
“Very little research has been done in this area, which is worrying. If we are offering therapy, we ought to know how it works and how effective it is in repairing relationships or helping people recover,” pointed out Dr Boynton.
Options
According to Integrated Psychology Network Sdn Bhd consultant psychologist Valerie Jaques, there are no sex rehab centres in Malaysia.
However, she noted that some drug rehabs do assist those with “sexual addiction” as, in some cases, multiple addictions are involved.
For those in Malaysia who think they might need treatment, the suggested route is therapy. “The patient needs to have very strong willpower,” noted Jaques.
There is also the medical option. Dr Boynton said that while antidepressants and hormonal treatments can reduce libido, it is presumed that problematic sexual behaviour is only about sexual activity.
“In many cases, what causes distress when a partner cheats is not just the physical act of betrayal, but other behaviours including emotional intimacy with another or lying, that can also cause harm. Simply medicating someone is unlikely to address whatever is driving underlying behaviour,” she explained.
In an online New York Daily News article, Denizet-Lewis said that despite widespread scepticism about rehab for sex addicts, the addiction is no less crippling than a bout with booze or drugs.
“You can put down a drink or a drug and not have to see it for a while,” he said. “But you can’t go anywhere without your genitalia or your brain − those are attached to you.”
kalu bini2 masih lagik in denial... dok nak harap laki tu tak curang...... sampai kiamat doniya nan fana' pung laki tetap dengan addiction ni....KECUALIlaki pi berubat amik pakarsbb sex addiction ni bukan sehari dua nak baik!!
ramai laki yg curang kat mesia ni.. bukan sbb depa sex addict... tapi ada masalah rumahtangga yg allah saja dan lakibini tu yang tau.... TAPI mmg banyak juga sbb laki tu sundrik tak dapat tahan napsu seraqah gelora sumer.... dok nak seks ke hulu... seks ke hilir.... jadiknyer.... ada bini yg tak leh nak accommodate laki yg 'highly' sex ni..... tu yanglaki tu jadik curang carik yg lain tuh!!!! aku tak kata lerlaki tu betul....tapiobviously ianya adalah penyakit....yg mmg bley pecah belahkan institusi perkahwinan itu!!
morel of the stori...... mana2 bini yg tau laki dia curang tu sbb 'sex addiction' kena mintak laki tu berubat... kalu laki tanak gak; kata dia tadak masalah..... bini ler yg kena pikiaqapa yg nak dlm perkahwinan tu.... sanggup ker nak hidup dgn laki bangau yg tanak berubah dan dok curang ke hulu... curang ke hilir..... tepuk dada... tepuk kepala!!! {:3_89:} Monday May 17, 2010
The root of the problem
THE root of the “sex addiction” problem is still unknown, said Universiti Sains Malaysia psychologist and criminologist Geshina Ayu Mat Saat, adding that even with drug addiction, questions are still being asked about how it happens. Geshina and clinical psychlogist Datuk Dr Mat Saat Mohd Baki rattle off a list of symptoms of hypersexual behaviour.
Consultant psychologist Valerie Jaques chipped in with several of her own. Alarm bells should ring if you – or someone you know – experience the following:
> Can’t make it through the day without fantasising about, planning and engaging in risky sexual encounters.
> Compulsive masturbation.
> Use the Internet/phone to get sexually stimulated at work or at home.
> Have a secret collection of porn material.
> Have more sexual partners than he/she can remember.
> Engage the services of sex workers.
> Often find sexual experiences disappointing.
> Can’t banish certain sexual thoughts.
> Lost a job or relationship due to sexual activities.
> Feel under intense pressure and completely controlled by sexual desires.
> Suffer serious losses, normally money or time, because of sexual behaviour.
> Use sex to feel better.
> Lie to people he/she cares about, regarding his/her sexual activities.
Some may argue that some of the items on this list are not indicative of abnormal sexual behaviour.
Problems that accompany sexual hyperactivity include depression, anxiety, mood disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, narcissistic personality disorder and manic-depression. Some individuals suffer from two or more conditions simultaneously, but traits of addiction are often confused with those of these disorders, said Dr Mat Saat.
A person with a “sex addiction” problem finds little satisfaction in the sexual activity and forms no emotional bonds with his/her sex partners, said Jaques. A “sex addict” is often plagued by feelings of guilt and shame, and feels a lack of control over the behaviour, despite the negative consequences on his health, finances, and social and emotional well-being.
Dr Petra Boynton, a British psychologist and university lecturer, said via e-mail: “Focus on what you think is the problem, how it manifests itself, and what harm it could do to you or others. For example, unprotected sex, using porn to avoid intimacy, or hurting a partner is problematic.”
The issue may be difficult to address on one’s own, so Boynton advises enlisting the help of a qualified relationship therapist who can focus on your relationship and issues of self-esteem and well-being so that all areas of your life and relationships are addressed. Monday May 17, 2010No less an addiction
TIGER Woods and Sandra Bullock’s ex-husband Jesse James are the latest names to wear the “sex addict” tag. They join a long line of celebrities like actors David Duchovny, Jude Law, Bill Murray, Charlie Sheen, Woody Harrelson and Tom Sizemore; British comedian/presenter Russell Brand; singer Eric Benet (former Mr Halle Berry) and Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole, to name just a few.
They probably overdosed on serotonin and endorphins, the brain’s feel-good chemicals released during sex.
Is there such a thing as sex addiction? Or could it be a convenient excuse for philandering husbands, Lotharios and porn purveyors, to justify their behaviour?
According to a Reuters report, “sex addiction” is still not recognised as an official diagnosis in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
In the report, Dr Dan Zucker of the University of Toronto, who heads a working group dealing with the next edition of the manual, said he expected “hypersexuality disorder” to be listed.
“Certainly, a lot of clinicians believe there is a clinical phenomenon of people who experience a lot of distress or get into a lot of trouble from having excessive sex,” Dr Zucker said.
http://thestar.com.my/archives/2010/5/17/lifefocus/f_pg03shackle.jpg In bondage: A drug addict is kept shackled in the isolation room of a drug rehabilitation centre as the first step towards curing his addiction. Sex addiction is similar to all other addictions, in that the addict has chosen a maladaptive behaviour to deal with the stresses in life.
Clinical psychologist Datuk Dr Mat Saat Mohd Baki concurred that the term “sex addiction” is not accepted by the profession. He prefers to use the term “sexual hyperactivity” or “hypersexuality”.
In her blog (www.drpetra.co.uk/blog/on-tiger-woods-the-media-and-sex-addiction/), British psychologist and university lecturer Dr Petra Boynton said that the idea of “sex addiction” is becoming increasingly popular, but it doesn’t mean that there is an accepted evidence base for it.
“Indeed, while people can act in sexually compulsive, risky, thoughtless, cruel, controlling and abusive ways, that’s not the same as saying they are ‘addicted’ to sex,” said Dr Boynton.
Integrated Psychology Network Sdn Bhd consultant psychologist Valerie Jaques noted that “sex addiction” is similar to all other addictions, in that the addict has chosen a maladaptive behaviour to deal with the stresses in life, whether these are internal or external stressors.
For the sex addict, the focus is on various forms of sexual expression that result in a quick “high” to take away the “pain” which may be physical, emotional, psychological, mental or even spiritual.
“A person becomes addicted when the behaviour is repeated to a point where the individual has lost self-control. It is no different from the alcohol, drug, shopping, computer or gambling addict, except that the focus is on sexual expressions, such as masturbation, pornography, Internet activity, anonymous encounters and affairs,” saidJaques.
Both viewpoints use “sex addiction” as a terminology. They refer to it as loss of sexual self-control, rather than take a moralistic stance against such behaviour. What is more important is that these behaviours result in harm to the people involved and their partners, noted Universiti Sains Malaysia psy chologist and criminologist Geshina Ayu Mat Saat.
Harm can take the form of physical and/or mental pain, financial or productivity loss, lapses in concentration, less time for family, work and relationships, and lost opportunity in other meaningful activities, said Dr Mat Saat.
The type of sexual activity and even the frequency or number of partners are not of great significance in diagnosing this problem, said Jaques.
“Some individuals have a stronger sex drive than others, and the range of human sexual activity is so broad that it is difficult to define ‘normal’ sexual behaviour. What is significant is a pattern of self-destructive or high-risk sexual behaviour that is unfulfilling, which a person is unable to stop, and his life becomes unmanageable as a result,” said Jaques.
Dr Mat Saat said there is a lot of speculation on what hypersexuality is, and if it is a psychological condition or physiological one, or a combination of both.
While psychologists and psychiatrists contend that hypersexuality is not gender-specific, Geshina said that in Malaysia, there have been no studies carried out on the subject. The only related study here involved sexual offenders in prisons. huh..panjangnyer nak baca... semput jah.... nk ngabiskn membaca... kadang2, aku rasa, jantan2 ni gunakan term sex addiction, untuk bagitau, konon2nya diorang ni berpenyakit dan perlukan rawatan laa, padahal merenyam jahh biasa lah lelaki..tak der benda lain. nak fikir..sex jer..bukan mcm kita org pompuan..byk benda yg nak pikir.. alah mcm pmpn x gle sex alah mcm pmpn x gle sex
arions Post at 18-5-2010 23:23 http://mforum1.cari.com.my/images/common/back.gif
tu lah psl,bohsia serata pelusuk biasa lah lelaki..tak der benda lain. nak fikir..sex jer..bukan mcm kita org pompuan..byk benda yg n ...
seri06 Post at 18-5-2010 23:15 http://eforum6.cari.com.my/images/common/back.gif
LMFAO...mmg banyak pun pompuan dok pikir... TAPI bukan sumer pung pikir yg positip pung.... ada yg dok pikir... camner nak pau bf dia ker... nak tifu laki dia ker.....banyak.... mmg banyak BENDA yg pompuan dok pikir ke hulu... pikir ke hilir.....hah!!{:3_89:} LMFAO...mmg banyak pun pompuan dok pikir... TAPI bukan sumer pung pikir yg positip pung. ...
amazed Post at 19-5-2010 07:47 http://mforum2.cari.com.my/images/common/back.gif
hah..............yang ni akak setuju dgn amazed..................pompuan mmg byk dok pk lagu tu, dok nak faham desire suami payah lak nk pk................. bila laki dok curang bagai kata laki merenyam la...mcm2, pompuan lupa nk pk nape dia kawin dgn laki dia...:shutup: Reply 10# amazed
Women always think about what to cook for lunch and dinner. lelaki curang mmg byk alasan.. hendak seribu daya ... tak hendak seribu dalih :) laki curang ker??
habis kalau dah laki tuh sex dia tinggi gila nak buat macam mana???
nak poligami haram... dah tau dah jawapannya
"ABANG CERAIKAN SAYA KALAU ABANG NAK KAWIN LAGI SATU"
padahal mmg si polantuh mmg x leh nak layan sangat si suami punya napsu...
habis macam mana????? salam..
xberani nk komen psl curang ni..sbb akan ada jer alasan yg keluar..
cuma mmg penah gk ler jumpa 1 kes membe..suami jenis asik 'nak' jer..smpai xthn..1 ari berkali2..jd dia izinkan kawin lain..dgrnya yg kdua pun srh kawin lg 1..yg cmni dh mcm jd penyakit.. Reply 16# delisha
laki dia tak keje ke, asyik nak je....:lol:
Reply 15# pbw2775
habis tu kalau tak mampu nakkawin lebih dari satu, takkan nak izinkan gak semata2 nak puaskan nafsu serakah si suami??nafsu si bini yg tak puas tak fikir?? Replypbw2775
habis tu kalau tak mampu nakkawin lebih dari satu, takkan nak izinkan gak s ...
FlowerGirl Post at 19-5-2010 09:51 PM http://mforum2.cari.com.my/images/common/back.gif
bagi la jalan..
nie asyik kondem jer buat apa???? seriau je .... kalau dapat laki mcm nih! asyik nak je manjang .....:mad: