Wet Dreams

AnitaSabrina

I have a question especially to the fathers.  What is this wet dreams stage?  How do I deal with it?  Can I just ignore it - will it go away?  

My son is 13 years old.  He has his own room.  I often find sticky gooey things on his bedsheet in the morning.  I don't know how to ask him - is there really anything to ask?  I find it so much easier to pretend as if nothing ever happened.  But I'm worried if this is an important stage like rites of passage into a new dimension (adulthood?).  

See, I'm utterly lost here.  As a mother do I need to do anything about this?  Can I just lepas tangan and let hubby deal with it - after all its his son.  The only snag is that hubby is not a very communicative person.  My hubby can be quite insensitive.  I don't want our son to be embarrassed with what is happening to his body.  He's probably confused with all the changes he's experiencing.

shahx

dah baligh le tu...

kambeng_masam

1# AnitaSabrina


Basically, boys will never ever feel terrible about wet dream. To some young lads, it's kinda embarrassing for them to let their mom knows about it or even asking them the shot-in-the-head question such as "You're having a wet dream last nite?" or back petting words like " It's okay son, now you're an adult". It's a personal thing and it will remains like that neither to you nor his dad. It's not a serious biggy thing not like a girl having her first PMS. Boys aren't panic when it happens....if you know what I mean...

It's always a good thing to know for fathers...that their growing son is now turning into a man.

pak_itam

don't ask.. leave it.. let him grow with the flow..

HOTlips

I often find sticky gooey things on his bedsheet in the morning.

errr... how often?
if i'm not mistaken i've read somewhere that u mentioned about ur son browsing "unnecessary" sites on net. Takut2 kalau dia simply masturbating. Sorry anita. Just my point of view. Harap2 tak begitu. Since dia ada "history" i guess u just cannot ignore this issue.

I don't know why men always ignore this. They always think this is not a big thingey
Me tak tahu mengenai my eldest sebab dia dah duduk asrama. But i insisted my hubby to ask. Mula2 dia reluctant juga. Pd me, kita kena tahu, kalau dah baligh n having wet dreams, kena ajar dia mandi wajib.

I'm talking about religious aspect. Islam itu lebih suka mencegah dr mengubati.
Takut kalau2 betul, menjadi habit dan merupakan satu penyakit. Oh gosh!! He's so young!

So, i think u kena pantau dan berjaga2 jugalah. Maybe secara tak langsung.
Tell him about sex in Islam. What to do bila keluar air mani etc. Kalau betul kerap sgt having wet dreams, mesti ada puncanya. Kena kawal punca tersebut.

Just my 2 cents

kambeng_masam

5# HOTlips


ahh yeah....missed that one.

it's a duty for parents to ensure the boy knows how nak mandi wajib. Since everybody didn't get the wet dream at the same age....parents could always tell and teach their teenage kids how to mandi wajib perfectly walau pun your kids belum baligh or they don't even noticed it.

But refer to this thread owner situation la kan...rasanya her son masturbates...and it seems happened many times. She gotta strictly control the internet usage.

AnitaSabrina

6# kambeng_masam

I've only noticed it twice - the sticky & gooey stuff.  So its not a question of masturbating.  Its probably the wet dreams - so says my hubby.  

Hubby has had a chat with our boy - about those `things.'  Mandi wajib and such.  I didn't ask for the details.  

As for me, I'll just stay on the sidelines on such issues.  I've never realised that it can so difficult to talk about such things.  I'm keeping my eyes and ears alert for anything.  So far, he's alright.  He's a good kid. He prays, reads the Al Quran, studies hard and plays just as hard.  I suppose its normal to be curious about the changes he's experiencing.  And to talk to mum & dad about those things would be strange.  I'll probably freak out if he asks me about the birds & bees! :kant:   So he reverts to the Internet & his friends for more info.  

Like Pak Itam said in a different thread (diari Pak Itam), at this age (his girl is 13  same as my eldest son), its probably a good idea for them to hang out with friends of their own age. So that they can talk common things.

kambeng_masam

7# AnitaSabrina


Friends at his age....hmm...I wonder how 'master' are they about that? Hope your son will get the right info. Sometimes, to know your kids better....you gotta know whom they're friend with. Get to know their parents too!

jzzz

Ignore them?nope,thats not the right thing to do.Spatutnya your husband kena deal with this.Tak kira lah dia not communicative or unsensitiv or whatsoever.Apa guna jd ayah mcm tu kalo x bleh guide anak bujang!Jgn buat silap like our parent dulu.Mungkin masa dulu this thing not so openly discuss tp skrg dah lain.Takut2 dia dpt info yg salah...

AnitaSabrina

9# jzzz

Info salah macam mana tu?  

Isn't this a straightforward thing?

aaz

Pada saya hal ni memang penting untuk individu muslim.
Perlu bersifat terbuka dengan anak2 supaya depa tahu dan faham apa yg wajib depa buat selpas dapat wet dreams, ttg taklif yang dah start kena ke atas mereka bila dah cecah usia baligh. Tak boleh tinggal solat, tak boleh tinggal puasa. Tak boleh macam masa kanak2 lagi dah.. Ni antara sex edu yang mesti ditangani oleh parents, bukan serah kat ustaz atau peers semata2.

Nak kongsi pengalaman sendiri. Sebagai kakak, saya tanya adik2 yang dah capai usia hampir2 baligh - dah mimpi belum? So yang tak tau apa, akan tanya balik. Yg tau sikit2, akan malu2 kucing. Saya akan pastikan info yg depa dapat tu benar2 depa faham. Drp situ, depa akan datang tanya saya, macam mana mimpi tu?Saya tanya ttg mandi wajib, ajar satu persatu. Beritahu tentang dos n donts.

Ngan anak2 sendiri, alhamdulillah hubby yang terangkan kat anak2 secara jelas.

Ngan anak buah pun saya akan kepoh. One of my nephews umo 11 tahun tiba2 cakap dia dah baligh. So saya tanya, mimpi apa malam tadi? Dia cakap rahsia sambil tersengih2. Jenuh nak korek. Tapi yang bestnye, bangun tido aje terus segera mandi wajib n solat Subuh, tak liat macam sebelum tu. Bila check betul ke tidak cara dia mandi wajib, alhamdulillah..

Yg nak pastikan betul ke wet dream, tu yg susah. Besar tu pun dah pandai simpan rahsia kemas2. So terpaksa buat trick. Tanya pasal basah ke tidak seluar. Tanya apa yg dia faham ttg wet dream. Yg tak tahan tu, dia leh cakap ngan confident dia tahu sbb ustaz dah ajar kat sekolah. Bila suh define, dia cakap mimpi yg buat kita rasa seronok. Mulalah saya doubt.. Korek punya korek, sah belum baligh... Baru mimpi kena peluk ngan pompuan je, dah kalut dia mandi wajib.. hehe..

HOTlips

11# aaz
Very funny! Ekceli me pun was2 samada anak bujang me tu dah baligh ke belum. Bila tanya, dia kata dah. Suara pun memang sentiasa serak2 basah. Tp masa balik bercuti seminggu, suara dia elok la pulak. So, me cakap dgn hubby, entah2 kat madrasah nun kena ngaji selantang2 yg boleh tu yg suara serak. Anyway, secara fizikal, dia byk berubah. Makin melonjong.

Bab2 baligh nih, memang berat skit nak discuss tp kena discuss jugak. Anak2 me 4 jantan. Bila me tak solat, depa tanya kenapa. When i told them, umi uzur, depa tanya lak, mcm mana umi tahu umi uzur? Duhhhh!!!! Gagap jugak lah nak jawab. Penyudahnya ku jawab.... umi dpt email. ahakkkkzzzz!!!

aaz

Lucu2 gak.. Tapi hal ni selalunya diberitahu secara kiasan dan buat budak2 salah faham.
Pengalaman sendiri masa sekolah2 dulu, ustaz biasanya beritahu wet dream tu mimpi panjat pokok kelapa. Ada yang cakap mimpi panjat gunung.  Dah masuk matric, baru ada ustaz yang terang secara detail. Tu pun merah2 padam muka ustaz, sebab siswi2 asak ngan soalan macam ni. Nak tak nak dia kena terangkan..

Sbb tu lah saya make sure adik2, anak2 mahupun anak buah dapat info yang jelas. Tapi cara nak explain mmg kena pandai or else depa boleh jadikan bahan gurauan lak ngan kawan2 kat sekolah.

Dulu2 ada adik lelaki sekolah rendah tanya, "Kakak, apa makna haid dan mani?" Baru aje saya nak terangkan, mak dah warned jangan pandai2 nak ajar budak benda2 macam tu. So terpaksalah cakap, " head is kepala, money is duit". Blur adikku yang lurus itu.. Dah le dia tanya soalan tu sbb kat sekolah ustaz cakap, "dah besar nanti tahu sendiri"

jzzz

10# AnitaSabrina
I think u know what i mean la Anita!skrg ni u bleh dpt info salah more easy than the oldies!I still remember masa i still young,ada sorg mamat ni sruh main dgn sabun bebanyak masa mandi.Dia ckp best oo!!!I dok pikir mamat ni terencat akal apa & now i know what he meansssssssss

bbakar

i think you should talk it out with him.  it is natural progression to aulthood.  semua orang laki=laki dan perempuan go through it.  my son belum nearing umo baligh lagi.  but i hope when it is his turn hewould feel comfortable enough to come to me or his dad about it.  someone needs to tell/remind him about fiqh.  what he can do and cannot do.  mungkin dia belajar dah kat sekolah but still doesn't hurt to remind him cara yang betul untuk bersuci and not let umm...the dreams take control of his brain too much all the time.

aaz

10# AnitaSabrina
I think u know what i mean la Anita!skrg ni u bleh dpt info salah more easy than the oldies!I still remember masa i still young,ada sorg mamat ni sruh main dgn sabun bebanyak masa  ...
jzzz Post at 30-7-2009 22:39

Oh oh.. sbb tu saya lebih suka parents  berbincang secara terbuka ngan anak2 pasal ni. Jgn harapkan orang lain.
Jgn tak tau, kat sekolah ada yg siap berlawan ejaculate ngan kawan2 kat toilet..Ramai gak yg tak mandi wajib properly sama ada kerana tak tahu ataupun ambil mudah.

bubpallo

aku dulu hari2 kena wet dream.... time tu aku skolah menengah udah......... kesnye aku tak ader jam penggera.... ngam2 aku dok sibuk bermimpi... mak aku simbah ngan air............habis dreams aku wet..

pinebiru

hehehe..bubpallo

riso juga
anak sulung tingkatan1.....tapi badan dah sama ayah dia....
mungkin udah kut yerk
nak tanya cam segan je....
nanti la suruh ayah dia slowtalk

tapi dia masih manja....masih nak peluk2 mama dia
mamanya laks yang segan........ ehhehehe
kalu baring2 tenguk tibi, siap berpeluk dengan ayah dia
ayah dia layan ajer............

AnitaSabrina

18# pinebiru

Manja lagi ya anak you.  My son pun tingkatan satu.  Tapi rasa dia ter`mature' awal kot.  Adoi very secretive.  Messages kat hp semua di delete.  Bilik berkunci je kalau nak tukar pakaian.  

Kalau nak peluk pun tak boleh.  He stiffens up.  :cry:  Nak buat macam mana kan.  Dia dah besar &  malu kot.  Tapi once in a while hubby & me will give him a bear hug - kena ada reason kalau nak hug.  Example like today he got A for his Science exam.  So boleh lah bear hug!  

Otherwise, he's okay kot.  I suppose its normal growing phase.