My brother A had just returned from his Umrah with his wife E. And he was, in my family, the waraq or pious one. And E, is the most wonderful woman in the world. She is an exemplary woman. I vote her "the best in-law". I could get along very well with her, although not necessarily she with me... My mother and my other brother too had just performed their Umrah that year. I called up A and asked him, whether he would accompany me to Mecca to perform the Haj for 2003. It was like as if God was only listening to me when A said, yes he would go, if I could register him together with his wife. It didn't take me 2 minutes to start the car and drive off to Tabung Haji and tell them I accepted the standby offer provided my muhrim was my brother and his wife followed me. I felt God was on a direct call to me as every single step that I took was positive. On my brothers side, he arranged for the travel agent company that we would be using for the haj, Batuta Travels because apparently it had the best deal. It was to cost us RM15,000 per person.
I had just splashed my money on a trip to London with the whole family in May 2002 and I had just come back from a shopping spree in Seoul in July 2002. Where was I going to get hard cold cash by December 2002? I had the savings but they were for my young children抯 future funds. What if anything happened to me while I was in Mecca? Has my young family been provided for? But Alhamdullillah, somehow, money just seemed to flow in. Debtors started paying me. And there was suddenly plenty of cash somehow that I couldn't believe it. A whom I had given money when I was richer earlier in his life, said he would subsidise me RM1,000,00. By December when all payments must be made, I made it, with extra cash to buy preparational items and even leave money behind for my mother to take care of my 4 little children for the 6 weeks that I would be away. It was almost a miracle.
I had attended most of the Haj courses offered but I was told during one of the courses held at a mosque that there was still one requirement that I must seek, and that was permission from my husband. I debated this with the Ustaz. And then finally it dawned on me, hey, just because I am a woman, I had to be treated differently?
That was when divine intervention came again. The status of a woman in the eyes of Islam. I now knew that there were 3 reasons for me to perform my haj. One was to do an AMAL IBADAT, that meant that besides IBADAH (act of worship) I wanted to do AMAL (to be charitable). The other one was to find out about the truth in Islam. To find out what was womens status in Islam and whether Allah had indeed intended that women be second class citizens in Islam.
Throughout my preparation, I felt that indeed I was a Tetamu Allah, God's invitee to his house. Of course I knew that God was everywhere in and within us, but Mecca is known to be God's house. I could feel the proximity between me and Allah.
When time was drawing closer, my brother A, kept reminding me that I should be wary of all that I say lest Allah punishes me for all my sins. He kept reminding me to clear my heart. I was worried for I had to leave behind 4 little ones, the youngest only 5 years old and Y was very attached to me. Everyone told me that when I reach Mecca, I wouldn't even miss my children as I will be too caught up with GOD.
Before I left for Mecca, I had wanted to ask my husband for his permission, but I thought that it was hardly necessary. What if he said NO? Anyway, all was packed and he knew I would be going ahead irrespective of whatever feelings he may have. I was after all doing something good. Eventually I saw that he was most supportive and he promised me before I left that he would take care of our children while I went to Mecca. I loved him so much more. He is an angel sent above. I surrendered to God, tekadkan hati and left him, my mother and my children in GOD almighty's hands. I left on the 27th of January 2003, a day before my scheduled trip to Mecca. 28th January was my son's birthday and as sad as I was that I couldn't celebrate with him, I knew that this was necessary.
Had I not gone through what I went through, I would probably not have made the effort to go to Mecca. Alhamdullillah.