Tentang anak - aku depressed dan buntu
Salam korang. Tolong la jgn kecam mak. Mak mengharapkan komen membina untuk masalah mak ni.Intro - Mak umur 40. Ada anak 5 orang. 2 pompuan (22 & 21 tahun) 3 lelaki (13, 10 dan 7 tahun). Mak kerja dan obviously kerja mak stressfull.
Problem Mak - Anak lelaki mak yg no. 4 (10 tahun) ni. Mak tau dia melalui 1 fasa (tgh mengakal) tp ya hampun... mak x terkontrol la. Dia seolah2 ada mind of his own dan hanya nak perkara berlaku mengikut kemahuan dia. Sukar untuk beralah dengan adik beradik yg lain dan selalumya dia yang menjadi pencetus gaduh antara adik-beradik. Anak2 yg lain pun cam marah ngan dia ni. Mak da guna cara physcology. Mak cakap baik2 dgn dia. Mak jugak pernah marah dia. Mak pun pernah rotan dia. Tp... x de satu pun jalan... kalau berubah pun, mgkn 2 3 hari, lepas tu berulang semula. Mak belum pernah handle anak cam ni walaupun anak mak ramai.
Situasi terbaru - Result periksa menurun maka mak denda HP kene tarik balik (hanya bole guna HP pada hari sabtu) sampai keputusan periksa meningkat. Pagi sabtu, mak suruh kemas bilik dan buat house chores (seperti yg sepatutnya). Instead of buat apa yg mak suruh, dia bantai gado ngan adik dia. Mak berjaya berhentikan pergaduhan tu dgn marah kedua-duanya sekali. Tp anak lelaki mak yg no 4 ni g protes ngan masuk bilik lepas tu jerit sambil muka tutup ngan bantal (drama sgt, mak nyampah sgt perangai gini) tp mak diam lagi. Mak buat x layan. Lepas tu mak dgr dia tendang2 dinding. Mak diamkan lagi jugak. Lepas tu, mak dengar tumbuk2 dinding plak dan akhirnya dia tumbuk cermin pecah... mak hangin.... mak g kat bilik dia, mak jerkah.. dia kata dia x sengaja dgn muka panic. Malangnya, mak da hilang sabar. Mak hamput kaw kaw. Mak rotan x ingat dunia. Setan penuh kat kepala mak da. Mak snap la senang cakap. Lepas tu mak nangis. Mak sedih sbb mak x suka dgn apa yg mak buat. Mak nampak muka dia takut tp mak dah x peduli. Mak sedih sbb mak rotan dia sampai cam tu sekali. Laki mak kata, sudah la.. mati budak tu kang. Mak x tau nak buat apa da. Mak smpi mcm ada perasaan benci tp sayang ngan dia.
Keadaan sblm situasi terbaru - Hubungan mak ngan anak2 mak mmg rapat. Kami bole gelak tolak2 bahu. Anak2 mak, x kire lelaki ke pompuan ke x malu utk peluk cium mak hatta kat public pun. Kata2 "mama sayang kat awak" tu mainan kat bibir mak. Manis kan.
Keadaan selepas situasi terbaru - Hubungan mak ngan anak2 lain selain no. 4 mcm biasa tp hati mak jadi sayu tp marah ngan anak no. 4 tu. Mak malas nak layan dia. Mak buat dia mcm x wujud. Mak geram sebenarnya tp mak pun sayang kat dia. Mak x nak buat dia mcm tu. Mak x nak dia makan hati tp mak takut kalo mak bg muka kat dia, kang dia pijak plak kepala mak. Dia x kan amik iktibar dr apa yg da jadi (ye lah, baru 10 tahun kan.. budak lagi).. mak takut utk buat dia mcm tu... tlg la... cam ner mak nak didik dia ni? mak x tau da nak buat cam ne? mak x nak terus membenci dia..
Mak tau mak ada salah. Mak x perfect. Segala yg buruk dtg dr mak. Anak mak tu pun bukan la kategori budak jahat. Anak2 mak x keluar tanpa izin. X melepak smpi malam. Ada kat rumah sblm maghrib. Dia anak yg baik. Cuma karekter dia tu. Mak mintak jasa baik kengkawan kat sini kot kalo bagi idea cam ne nak didik anak yg mind of his own, to make them do things they way it should. To make him understand.
Hai puan, I don’t know you or how your life is but I do know this: you’ve tried doing your best despite working full time and you’ve done a good job so far. For that, I am sending you lots of love and if possible one hug.
For your kid, it looks to me, dia buat salah untuk cari perhatian... If possible maybe try to sit with him and have a heart to heart. Kalau rasa awkward bercakap, maybe cuba suruh tulis. Other than that perhatikan mungkin diary atau karangan dia kadang2 diorang ada meluahkan tapi kita tak perasan. Also consider juga berjumpa doc mana tahu ada underlying factor yg kita non medical ni tak tau.
Apa pun, you are a good mother. Ko jgn pukul x ingat dunia sebab nafsu marah.. walaupun umur 10 thn, sampai tua dia ingat... cer ajak berbual face to face luah hati ke hati.. ckp mak sayang adik.. aku rasa dia nak perhatian.. kadang2 perlu kita buat mcmtu, sehari dua ni biar kan situasi mcmni tapi jgn lama2 sgt takut nti dia dh anggap awak benci kat dia terus..bahaya nti, nti ada masa jumpa dia cakap elok2, terangkan kenapa dia dirotan, dan suruh dia berjanji jgn ulangi lg...insyaallah semuanya akan ok nampak macam dia cuba untuk cari perhatian..
cuba berbual hati ke hati..
kot dia ada terasa and pendam apa-apa ke..
or refer beliau ke psychiatrist..
biar professional yang arif untuk bantu kecelaruan beliau.. Bukan anak mak je camtu..
Anak saya pun camtu
Cabaran didik anak2 gajet
Malas buat kerja malas membaca malas menolong
lululun replied at 19-11-2018 12:39 PM
Hai puan, I don’t know you or how your life is but I do know this: you’ve tried doing your best de ...
Thank you for your kind reply.
As the matter of fact, he did said a few times that we (the family) dont understand him. It puzzled us anyway since to us he is the one who becomes so difficult in every manner. I am planning to take him out alone and have a heart to heart talk after work today. Please pray for me.
umbut replied at 19-11-2018 12:42 PM
Ko jgn pukul x ingat dunia sebab nafsu marah.. walaupun umur 10 thn, sampai tua dia ingat... cer aja ...
Sebab tu mak meraung lepas pukul dia. Mak sesal sgt. Mak x nak dia ada memori sebegitu tp in the other hand mak berharap dia dpt pengajaran jugak. Perhatian.. yes.. mak admit. Mak juggling between works and anak 5 org. Mak hanyalah manusia biasa.. sometimes, i wish i have more then 24 hours a day. I dont even have time for me... sighhhh
zulka replied at 19-11-2018 12:43 PM
kadang2 perlu kita buat mcmtu, sehari dua ni biar kan situasi mcmni tapi jgn lama2 sgt takut nti dia ...
Thanks bro. Mmg mak harap gitu pun. Harapan mak, plan mak petang ni berjalan ngan lancar. Sedey hati mak tgk anak mak makan hati.
prettyuglybabe replied at 19-11-2018 12:57 PM
nampak macam dia cuba untuk cari perhatian..
cuba berbual hati ke hati..
kot dia ada terasa and pe ...
Thanks u cik mod.
Will conduct a heart to heart session this evening. Pray for me.
VespaSilbe replied at 19-11-2018 01:11 PM
Bukan anak mak je camtu..
Anak saya pun camtu
Cabaran didik anak2 gajet
Bab ni mak ngaku la... mmg silap mak. Berubah nau perangai lepas mak bagi hadiah HP masa birthday dia yg lepas. Defensive sesangat. Mak x tau apa yg dia insecure nau. Masa mak bg HP mak da bgtau syarat2nya.. antaranya ni la... kalo keputusan menurun, HP kene reposessed. Tp ntah la... kang petang kang mak heart to heart.. Moga allah tenangkan hati mak dgr apa yg dia nak cakapkan.
heyya
assalamualaikum
how are things back home?
are you okay now?
wow, what an interesting story , okaylah Puan, i know , kita tak suka buat benda lagu tu sebab kita sedih lelabih org yg kita sayang seemed to bring theworst in us , kan?
u tak nak pukul tapi well, kekadang , u have to be stern in order to be kind ,tak pe kali ni , u learnt.
macam ni fasa teenager kan? jadi emosi dia pun hay wire anak you tu biasalah, sebab centre dok control emosi kat dalam otak dia tengah mematangkan active mematangkan diri tapi centre yg dok jaga rasional thinkingtu masih juga belum pandai control centre yg emosi tu...
so i guess, apa ygpuan boleh buat ialah , trick his mind macam ni dan guna bebaik dan bagi dia fikir dia part of solution and you are proud of that...
u said, kalau dia dah achieve certain things ....kebaikan dia dah lakukan tanpa dia sedarialah ape ape...u show him and you tell him how important he isand you tell him u need his help too in order to jaga the family
banyakkan input rationale thinking dan input spiritual , so u bagi that part of the brain yg control part emosi tu certain cues untuk control the behaviour
u make him feel dan it is pun, part of the solution...so he could see his self worth and effects tu ....
tak pe lah slow talk ajak diajln jln kejap spend time dengan dia
said what you need to say ....
it is okay.. u are a goog mom and i think only special person saje kot Allah bagi jadi ibu untuk anak anak yg wow 5 ye cayalah...
so yeah...
i wish you well...
untuk fasa ni - appreaciation , positive and recognition of certain things are good to show
but lelama didik hati upaya lakukan keje lillahi taala without external praisal or gratification - Allah oriented. dan ini kita selalku juang hehari untuk mujahadah diri ke arah lebih baik...
anak2 aku pun aku bagi hp juga, sorang satu hp...but, dorang boleh pegang hp tu on time weekend sahaja, other then that NO hp...hari ahad tepat pukul 8pm aku dorang sendiri serah hp...disiplin tu penting mbhcsf replied at 19-11-2018 01:54 PM
heyya
assalamualaikum
Wsalam and thank you Puan for your warm advise and wishes.
Alhamdulillah. I've been blessed with 5 children and they are all well. Yes Puan, handling 5 child aren't easy. 5 characters. 5 Behaviours. 5 challenges. Untuk muncukup dan memenuhikehendak dan impian. Ada ups and downs. Again, alhamdulillah, allah permudahkan.
I've been reading your advise for a few time and rethink on what have i done. Sebaknya hati.
This are a few practices we have at home-
Bukan kata saya sangat baik dengan anak2. I've repeatedly told my children we can be the best BFF u have in the world. We can laugh over a silly joke. Making fun of each other. But.. when i have to play mom, i will play mom and u cant beat that. Alhamdulillah Puan, that strategy works well so far. Sometimes, strangers couldnt notice the actual relationship between my daugthers and i. My kids and i, we share secrets too... :drool3:from the father obviously.. hahah
One of our family tradition is, we shall celebrate whomsoever sitting for a big exam i.e started with UPSR, PMR, SPM, final exam at college and so on... and not to mention on their birthday too. We went for dinner having a good day out together.
We do praise and expressed how much we love each other.
I dont really shower my children with gift. They are entitled to it on their birthday and most of the time,they'll get what they wish for (of course it is a surprise and really put a smile on their faces). Bayangkan Puan, every year i have to plan for 5 surprises.. hahaha... kadang2 otak naik gile memikir.
Harap2 i dpt sort things out with my son this evening. It hurt me by not talking to him. It kills me by not having him meleser-leser. I missed him eventhough it has been just 2 days.
Sedey la.. Maybe im not doing enough
zulka replied at 19-11-2018 02:06 PM
anak2 aku pun aku bagi hp juga, sorang satu hp...but, dorang boleh pegang hp tu on time weekend saha ...
Anak mak pun sama bro. Sorang 1 HP. Masalahnya gado pasal ML la.. game yg ntah apa2 ni. Bab disiplin plak. Baru nak implement ni. Sblm ni maklum la.. Mak hati tisu.
mollipop replied at 19-11-2018 01:28 PM
Bab ni mak ngaku la... mmg silap mak. Berubah nau perangai lepas mak bagi hadiah HP masa birthday...
Moga dipermudahkan urusan mak
mollipop replied at 19-11-2018 01:20 PM
Thank you for your kind reply.
As the matter of fact, he did said a few times that we (the fam ...
Awww I am reading your other comments and nooooo please don’t put the blame on yourself. All the best untuk petang ni. Probably find out juga from his closest sibling what is going on with him and if he has said anything.
On that part yang u hilang sabar tu, i seriously have no idea mcm mana utk control damage or if you should apologize... probably other forummer has better idea/input. Cuba try pergi jumpa clinical psychologist utk share ur son prob kalau u rasa berat sgt. Cuba try tgk kot ada symptom adhd or yg related with anger management. Sebab ada theraphy for children with this kind on behavior. Relax mak.. leh ignore jap.. but dont lebih satu hari.. satu lg mgkin mak levihkan anak yg lain.. dia rase kureng skit. shahreen replied at 21-11-2018 01:19 AM
Cuba try pergi jumpa clinical psychologist utk share ur son prob kalau u rasa berat sgt. Cuba try tg ...
mcm mana proses utk jumpa clinical psychologist tu ye... anak saya umur 9 tahun, cikgu dia minta saya rujuk ke hospital sbb selalu kacau kawan2 dia masa sedang belajar... pada saya, adatlah budak2 nakal mcm tu tp sbb sakit pulak ati saya bila org ckp anak saya ada masalah, saya nk cuba jumpa pakar berkenaan perkara ni. saya dh pergi klinik kesihatan kat tempat saya utk doktor klinik tu refer ke hospital tapi doktor cakap dia tak boleh sesuka hati nk buat surat rujuk pakar ke apa... tu yang saya nk tau macam mana prosesnya untuk saya jumpa dgn pakar yang sepatutnya untuk tengok betul ke anak saya ada masalah seperti yg dikata atau dia budak yang normal...
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